The room they called the rehearsal space was on the second floor of the east wing, reached through a corridor Naia was fairly certain she would not be able to find again without assistance. It was a sitting room, technically, the kind of room that had probably hosted a specific category of formal social occasion for several generations of people who understood what those occasions required. The furniture was good, the proportions deliberate, the light from the tall windows clean and well-directed.
There were also, on three of the four walls, full-length mirrors.
Naia stood in the doorway for a moment and took this in.
"Come in," said the woman who had met her at the building entrance, a coordinator named Lien who had the efficient warmth of someone very good at managing people without letting them feel managed. "We'll wait for His Highness."
Naia came in. She did not look in the mirrors.
She set her bag on the small table near the window and sat in the chair beside it, which was a deliberate choice because it meant her back was to two of the three mirrors. She was aware that this was avoidance. She was also aware that she had spent a significant portion of this morning looking at herself and finding the result unsatisfying in ways she could not specifically address, and that the answer to that was probably not more mirrors.
She had dressed carefully and simply, which she had also done on Thursday, and which had again accomplished something close to nothing because she still felt approximately the same as she felt when she was not dressed carefully: like herself, which was fine in most contexts and slightly inadequate for this one.
The ink on her left knuckle was still there. She had tried twice.
She heard him before she saw him, which was not because he was loud but because the quality of the space changed when he entered, a slight shift in attention that the room seemed to perform automatically. Coordinator Lien straightened by approximately two degrees. Naia looked up.
Kael came in the way he did everything, she was already beginning to notice: with that particular economy of movement, nothing wasted. He was in a suit again, charcoal today, and he looked, as he had on Thursday, entirely correct in a way that made her feel aware of herself by comparison. Not uncomfortably. Just aware.
He looked at her as he crossed the room. "Ms. Yim."
"Good morning," she said.
He nodded, which was his version of the same. He sat in the chair across the low table from her, which put them facing each other with the table as a kind of neutral territory between them. Coordinator Lien took a position to the side, tablet in hand, with the alert readiness of someone who had done this many times.
"Today's objective," Lien said, "is primarily practical. We want to establish a baseline level of comfort with proximity and coordinated presentation before the first public event. Nothing is expected to be polished at this stage. We're just establishing a starting point."
Naia nodded. Kael also nodded, though she had the impression he was registering rather than responding.
"We'll begin with some basic positioning," Lien said.
What followed was, Naia thought, the most structured experience of physical proximity she had ever participated in. Lien guided them through a series of positions that would likely be required at public events: standing side by side for photographs, walking together, sitting adjacent at a table. Each configuration was adjusted and assessed. Lien made notes on her tablet. She offered direction in the pleasant, specific way of someone who understood that she was asking two adults to do something mildly strange and was doing her best to make it feel unremarkable.
It was mildly strange.
The first time Lien asked Naia to place her hand on Kael's arm, which was the standard position for formal photographs, Naia did it the way she would have complied with any professional instruction: efficiently and without overthinking it. Her hand landed on the dark fabric of his sleeve. She held the position.
Her hand was doing a thing she did not want it to do, which was exist with a heightened awareness of itself that was not useful.
He looked down, which she caught in her peripheral vision. "Relax your fingers," he said.
It was not a correction, exactly. The tone was observational rather than critical. He had noticed her hand was tense and he had said so, which was the practical response to the practical problem.
She relaxed her fingers.
She also became very aware that she had relaxed her fingers because he told her to, which was a different kind of tension, and not the physical kind.
"Better," Lien said. "Yes, exactly like that."
They worked through the positions. Naia became more comfortable with each iteration, which was the point, and also slightly more aware of his presence in a way that was unrelated to the point. He was very still, which she had noticed on Thursday and was noticing again now. Not frozen or rigid, but genuinely settled in himself in a way that was different from most people. Most people moved slightly even when they were trying to hold still. He did not.
She wondered if that was something you were born with or something you learned.
Lien called a break.
Kael stepped back. "Would you like something to drink? Water, tea?"
She said tea. She was not sure why she had expected it to be left at that, or why she was slightly surprised when, eight minutes later, one of the palace staff appeared with a tray bearing two cups and a small pot. The tea was exactly the kind she had mentioned in passing on Thursday, the single time she had mentioned it, in the context of a conversation about something else entirely.
She looked at the cup.
She looked at him.
He was already looking somewhere else, at something Lien was showing him on the tablet, with the neutral focus of someone attending to a logistical matter.
He had remembered, she thought. Or someone had noted it in her file. She did not know which, and she was not sure which felt more unsettling.
"Thank you," she said, to the room in general.
He acknowledged this without looking up.
They continued. Lien addressed the question of eye contact next, which was, in Naia's assessment, the most specifically uncomfortable item on the day's agenda. She understood the technical requirement: a couple photographed together was expected to occasionally look at each other in a way that communicated some degree of genuine attention. This was not the kind of thing that could be faked with the same reliability as a smile.
"If you could look at each other," Lien said, in the pleasant, matter-of-fact way she said everything, "for approximately three seconds. We're just practicing holding a steady gaze."
Naia looked at Kael.
He looked at her.
His eyes were darker than she had registered on Thursday, she noticed now, in better light. There was something in his gaze that was not evaluative exactly, more like the quality of attention she associated with people who saw things rather than simply looked at them. She could not tell what he was seeing when he looked at her, which was the part that made her look away.
"Good," said Lien. "Let's try that again."
The second time she held it slightly longer before blinking, which felt like an improvement in the wrong direction.
They were about twenty minutes from the end of the session when Lien moved them through the final item on the agenda, which was, as Lien phrased it, a natural shared expression. Not a formal smile, not a posed smile, just the kind of facial expression that read in photographs as comfort and ease.
They stood next to each other. Lien waited.
No one smiled.
This went on for several seconds that were slightly too long for comfort and slightly too short for actual awkwardness, which had its own particular quality. Naia became aware that she was in a room with mirrors, and that anyone who looked at the mirrors would see two people standing next to each other with the expression of people who had been asked to perform a spontaneous human moment and were finding the task instructionally paradoxical.
Then she laughed.
It was not a calculated decision. She laughed because the situation was, in the specific way that certain things were, genuinely funny if you looked at it from a certain angle, and she had always had a tendency to notice that angle at inconvenient moments. The laugh was small and involuntary and she was slightly mortified by it immediately after.
She looked at Kael.
He was looking at her.
She had expected the expression she had been observing all morning: that composed, directed attention. What she found instead was something she could not immediately categorize. Something had shifted at the edges of it. The careful economy of his face had done something she did not have precise language for yet. It was not exactly a smile. It was more like the shape that preceded a smile in someone who did not often complete the sequence, a relaxation at the corner of his mouth, a slight change in the quality of his eyes.
Then he looked away.
"Good," said Lien, making a note. "That was good, actually. Exactly the kind of naturalness we're looking for."
Naia looked at the mirror.
In the mirror, she saw two people standing next to each other who looked, briefly and accidentally, like they had shared a joke.
She filed that away in the part of herself where she put things she was not sure what to do with.
The session ended. Lien walked them through the plan for the first public event, which was a charity gala in two weeks, and the preparation schedule leading up to it. Kael listened with the quality of attention he gave to everything, absorbed without visibly engaging. Naia took notes in her sketchbook because she processed better that way.
When Lien excused herself to take a call, Kael stood from the chair he had taken for the briefing portion and moved toward the window. He did not invite Naia to join him and he did not ignore her. He simply stood there for a moment, looking at the courtyard below.
"You're left-handed," he said.
"Yes."
"The ink is harder to get out of the dominant hand."
She looked at her knuckle. "I've tried."
"There's a product in the palace supply room that works better than soap. I can ask someone to leave it in your room." A beat. "If you're bothered by it."
She thought about saying she was not bothered by it, which was not entirely true. She thought about asking if it looked unprofessional, which was what she was actually wondering. She thought about the fact that he had noticed the ink on Thursday and apparently again today, which meant he was paying a specific kind of attention to her that she had not fully accounted for.
"Thank you," she said. "If it's not any trouble."
He shook his head once, the minimal confirmation that was his native register.
They walked out of the rehearsal room in the same direction because there was only one direction out, and they walked in silence down the corridor, which was the comfortable kind of silence rather than the kind that needed filling. Naia was aware of this and found it slightly inconvenient, because a silence that did not need filling was a more intimate thing than a silence that did.
At the junction where the corridor split and she needed to go left and she did not know where he was going, she stopped.
"Same time Thursday?" she asked. She meant for the next rehearsal session.
"Wednesday," he said. "Lien will send the revised schedule."
She nodded.
He looked at her for a moment, which had become, she was noticing, a thing he did before concluding interactions: a brief second of something that was not quite a question and not quite an assessment, just a look that lingered slightly beyond function.
"Ms. Yim," he said.
"Yes."
He seemed to consider something. Then: "You don't have to iron it all out in the first week. The arrangement allows for a learning curve."
She was not sure if this was practical guidance or something more specific. She was not sure if she was supposed to understand it as one thing or the other, or if the distinction was the point.
"Thank you," she said.
He turned and walked in the other direction.
She turned left.
In the car back to her apartment, she opened her sketchbook. She meant to review the notes she had made about the gala timeline. Instead she found herself on a blank page, hand moving automatically, and she drew without looking down until she stopped and found she had drawn a window, a courtyard seen from above, a figure standing at the glass with his back to the room, looking out.
She looked at the drawing.
She turned the page.
She wrote the gala timeline from memory, which she found she had retained in better detail than usual.
She was going to have to pay closer attention to that.
On the drive back to her apartment after the rehearsal, Naia looked out the window and catalogued the afternoon in the way she did when she needed to understand what had happened by approaching it from the outside rather than the inside.
The afternoon had been strange. This was the plainest description and also the most accurate. She had spent two hours in a room with mirrors practicing the physical grammar of a relationship that did not exist, and the strange part was not the mirrors or the practicing or the technical requirement of performing intimacy on request. The strange part was the moments that had not been requested, that had arrived unrehearsed and without announcement and had felt, in their small way, more real than anything that had been coordinated.
The tea. That she had not said to anyone what kind of tea she drank, and yet it had arrived correctly.
The observation about her fingers, which had been delivered in the tone of someone noting a technical issue and yet had required a degree of attention to her that was not, she thought, standard professional due diligence.
The laugh. Her own, involuntary, at the situation's inherent paradox, and then his face doing the thing at the corner of his mouth.
She thought about that last one the most.
She had seen a lot of faces perform expressions. It was part of her work, understanding faces, the difference between a face that was expressing something and a face that was doing something it did not entirely mean. She had not been looking at his face when he was performing, in the official sense, the polished version. She had been looking at it in the unguarded fraction of a second after the laugh, and what she had seen was not a performed relaxation but an involuntary one, which were entirely different animals.
She pressed her forehead briefly against the cool glass of the car window.
She was building a catalogue of unrehearsed things. She was aware that this was what she was doing. She was aware that this was information about herself as much as about him, because you did not build catalogues of unrehearsed moments about people who were entirely irrelevant to you.
The car pulled up outside her building.
She sat for a moment before getting out, which the driver, bless him, acknowledged by doing nothing.
She thought about the next two months. The events scheduled, the appearances coordinated, the public narrative being constructed one careful image at a time. She thought about ninety days, sixty of which remained, and what sixty days in the company of someone who was very good at performing one version of themselves and occasionally, briefly, performed another was going to do to her carefully maintained distances.
She thought about the ink on her knuckle, which the product in the palace supply room might or might not take out, and about the fact that he had noticed it and had thought to mention a solution, and about the chain of small attentions that had accumulated over two weeks into something that was beginning to have a shape.
She got out of the car.
She went upstairs and made tea and opened her sketchbook to a fresh page and sat at the window for a long time before she drew anything at all.
When she drew, she drew hands. Specifically, the configuration of two hands: one on a sleeve, one briefly over it. She drew the exact amount of contact, which she had stored precisely, and the exact duration of it, which she could not draw but could feel in the rendering, the weight of a moment that was there and then was not.
She looked at the drawing.
She turned to a new page and wrote, at the top: Things I am going to have to be careful about.
She did not write anything below it yet.
She left the page blank and went to make dinner, because she had not eaten since the morning and her body was filing a reasonable complaint, and because some pages needed to be left blank for a while before you knew what belonged on them.
The morning after the rehearsal, she woke early and lay still for a few minutes before getting up. She thought about the session with the particular clarity that mornings sometimes offered, the way sleep worked over the events of the previous day and returned them simplified, their essential qualities clarified by the removal of noise. What she was left with, in the quiet before the day began, was not the strangeness of the exercise or the managed intimacy of the practice positions. What she was left with was the tea, arrived correctly without being requested. The specific attention that required. She got up and made her own tea and thought about attention, about what it meant when it was paid carefully, and about the fact that she was thinking about it at all.
She opened her sketchbook and looked at the drawing from last night. She added a detail she had not put in before: the ceramic pitcher of water on the table in the rehearsal room, visible in the corner of the image, small and easily missed. A detail that mattered only if you knew what it was standing in for.
She thought she knew what it was standing in for.
You've reached the end of this chapter
The room they called the rehearsal space was on the second floor of the east wing, reached through a corridor Naia was fairly certain she would not be able to find again without assistance. It was a sitting room, technically, the kind of room that had probably hosted a specific category of formal social occasion for several generations of people who understood what those occasions required. The furniture was good, the proportions deliberate, the light from the tall windows clean and well-directed.
There were also, on three of the four walls, full-length mirrors.
Naia stood in the doorway for a moment and took this in.
"Come in," said the woman who had met her at the building entrance, a coordinator named Lien who had the efficient warmth of someone very good at managing people without letting them feel managed. "We'll wait for His Highness."
Naia came in. She did not look in the mirrors.
She set her bag on the small table near the window and sat in the chair beside it, which was a deliberate choice because it meant her back was to two of the three mirrors. She was aware that this was avoidance. She was also aware that she had spent a significant portion of this morning looking at herself and finding the result unsatisfying in ways she could not specifically address, and that the answer to that was probably not more mirrors.
She had dressed carefully and simply, which she had also done on Thursday, and which had again accomplished something close to nothing because she still felt approximately the same as she felt when she was not dressed carefully: like herself, which was fine in most contexts and slightly inadequate for this one.
The ink on her left knuckle was still there. She had tried twice.
She heard him before she saw him, which was not because he was loud but because the quality of the space changed when he entered, a slight shift in attention that the room seemed to perform automatically. Coordinator Lien straightened by approximately two degrees. Naia looked up.
Kael came in the way he did everything, she was already beginning to notice: with that particular economy of movement, nothing wasted. He was in a suit again, charcoal today, and he looked, as he had on Thursday, entirely correct in a way that made her feel aware of herself by comparison. Not uncomfortably. Just aware.
He looked at her as he crossed the room. "Ms. Yim."
"Good morning," she said.
He nodded, which was his version of the same. He sat in the chair across the low table from her, which put them facing each other with the table as a kind of neutral territory between them. Coordinator Lien took a position to the side, tablet in hand, with the alert readiness of someone who had done this many times.
"Today's objective," Lien said, "is primarily practical. We want to establish a baseline level of comfort with proximity and coordinated presentation before the first public event. Nothing is expected to be polished at this stage. We're just establishing a starting point."
Naia nodded. Kael also nodded, though she had the impression he was registering rather than responding.
"We'll begin with some basic positioning," Lien said.
What followed was, Naia thought, the most structured experience of physical proximity she had ever participated in. Lien guided them through a series of positions that would likely be required at public events: standing side by side for photographs, walking together, sitting adjacent at a table. Each configuration was adjusted and assessed. Lien made notes on her tablet. She offered direction in the pleasant, specific way of someone who understood that she was asking two adults to do something mildly strange and was doing her best to make it feel unremarkable.
It was mildly strange.
The first time Lien asked Naia to place her hand on Kael's arm, which was the standard position for formal photographs, Naia did it the way she would have complied with any professional instruction: efficiently and without overthinking it. Her hand landed on the dark fabric of his sleeve. She held the position.
Her hand was doing a thing she did not want it to do, which was exist with a heightened awareness of itself that was not useful.
He looked down, which she caught in her peripheral vision. "Relax your fingers," he said.
It was not a correction, exactly. The tone was observational rather than critical. He had noticed her hand was tense and he had said so, which was the practical response to the practical problem.
She relaxed her fingers.
She also became very aware that she had relaxed her fingers because he told her to, which was a different kind of tension, and not the physical kind.
"Better," Lien said. "Yes, exactly like that."
They worked through the positions. Naia became more comfortable with each iteration, which was the point, and also slightly more aware of his presence in a way that was unrelated to the point. He was very still, which she had noticed on Thursday and was noticing again now. Not frozen or rigid, but genuinely settled in himself in a way that was different from most people. Most people moved slightly even when they were trying to hold still. He did not.
She wondered if that was something you were born with or something you learned.
Lien called a break.
Kael stepped back. "Would you like something to drink? Water, tea?"
She said tea. She was not sure why she had expected it to be left at that, or why she was slightly surprised when, eight minutes later, one of the palace staff appeared with a tray bearing two cups and a small pot. The tea was exactly the kind she had mentioned in passing on Thursday, the single time she had mentioned it, in the context of a conversation about something else entirely.
She looked at the cup.
She looked at him.
He was already looking somewhere else, at something Lien was showing him on the tablet, with the neutral focus of someone attending to a logistical matter.
He had remembered, she thought. Or someone had noted it in her file. She did not know which, and she was not sure which felt more unsettling.
"Thank you," she said, to the room in general.
He acknowledged this without looking up.
They continued. Lien addressed the question of eye contact next, which was, in Naia's assessment, the most specifically uncomfortable item on the day's agenda. She understood the technical requirement: a couple photographed together was expected to occasionally look at each other in a way that communicated some degree of genuine attention. This was not the kind of thing that could be faked with the same reliability as a smile.
"If you could look at each other," Lien said, in the pleasant, matter-of-fact way she said everything, "for approximately three seconds. We're just practicing holding a steady gaze."
Naia looked at Kael.
He looked at her.
His eyes were darker than she had registered on Thursday, she noticed now, in better light. There was something in his gaze that was not evaluative exactly, more like the quality of attention she associated with people who saw things rather than simply looked at them. She could not tell what he was seeing when he looked at her, which was the part that made her look away.
"Good," said Lien. "Let's try that again."
The second time she held it slightly longer before blinking, which felt like an improvement in the wrong direction.
They were about twenty minutes from the end of the session when Lien moved them through the final item on the agenda, which was, as Lien phrased it, a natural shared expression. Not a formal smile, not a posed smile, just the kind of facial expression that read in photographs as comfort and ease.
They stood next to each other. Lien waited.
No one smiled.
This went on for several seconds that were slightly too long for comfort and slightly too short for actual awkwardness, which had its own particular quality. Naia became aware that she was in a room with mirrors, and that anyone who looked at the mirrors would see two people standing next to each other with the expression of people who had been asked to perform a spontaneous human moment and were finding the task instructionally paradoxical.
Then she laughed.
It was not a calculated decision. She laughed because the situation was, in the specific way that certain things were, genuinely funny if you looked at it from a certain angle, and she had always had a tendency to notice that angle at inconvenient moments. The laugh was small and involuntary and she was slightly mortified by it immediately after.
She looked at Kael.
He was looking at her.
She had expected the expression she had been observing all morning: that composed, directed attention. What she found instead was something she could not immediately categorize. Something had shifted at the edges of it. The careful economy of his face had done something she did not have precise language for yet. It was not exactly a smile. It was more like the shape that preceded a smile in someone who did not often complete the sequence, a relaxation at the corner of his mouth, a slight change in the quality of his eyes.
Then he looked away.
"Good," said Lien, making a note. "That was good, actually. Exactly the kind of naturalness we're looking for."
Naia looked at the mirror.
In the mirror, she saw two people standing next to each other who looked, briefly and accidentally, like they had shared a joke.
She filed that away in the part of herself where she put things she was not sure what to do with.
The session ended. Lien walked them through the plan for the first public event, which was a charity gala in two weeks, and the preparation schedule leading up to it. Kael listened with the quality of attention he gave to everything, absorbed without visibly engaging. Naia took notes in her sketchbook because she processed better that way.
When Lien excused herself to take a call, Kael stood from the chair he had taken for the briefing portion and moved toward the window. He did not invite Naia to join him and he did not ignore her. He simply stood there for a moment, looking at the courtyard below.
"You're left-handed," he said.
"Yes."
"The ink is harder to get out of the dominant hand."
She looked at her knuckle. "I've tried."
"There's a product in the palace supply room that works better than soap. I can ask someone to leave it in your room." A beat. "If you're bothered by it."
She thought about saying she was not bothered by it, which was not entirely true. She thought about asking if it looked unprofessional, which was what she was actually wondering. She thought about the fact that he had noticed the ink on Thursday and apparently again today, which meant he was paying a specific kind of attention to her that she had not fully accounted for.
"Thank you," she said. "If it's not any trouble."
He shook his head once, the minimal confirmation that was his native register.
They walked out of the rehearsal room in the same direction because there was only one direction out, and they walked in silence down the corridor, which was the comfortable kind of silence rather than the kind that needed filling. Naia was aware of this and found it slightly inconvenient, because a silence that did not need filling was a more intimate thing than a silence that did.
At the junction where the corridor split and she needed to go left and she did not know where he was going, she stopped.
"Same time Thursday?" she asked. She meant for the next rehearsal session.
"Wednesday," he said. "Lien will send the revised schedule."
She nodded.
He looked at her for a moment, which had become, she was noticing, a thing he did before concluding interactions: a brief second of something that was not quite a question and not quite an assessment, just a look that lingered slightly beyond function.
"Ms. Yim," he said.
"Yes."
He seemed to consider something. Then: "You don't have to iron it all out in the first week. The arrangement allows for a learning curve."
She was not sure if this was practical guidance or something more specific. She was not sure if she was supposed to understand it as one thing or the other, or if the distinction was the point.
"Thank you," she said.
He turned and walked in the other direction.
She turned left.
In the car back to her apartment, she opened her sketchbook. She meant to review the notes she had made about the gala timeline. Instead she found herself on a blank page, hand moving automatically, and she drew without looking down until she stopped and found she had drawn a window, a courtyard seen from above, a figure standing at the glass with his back to the room, looking out.
She looked at the drawing.
She turned the page.
She wrote the gala timeline from memory, which she found she had retained in better detail than usual.
She was going to have to pay closer attention to that.
On the drive back to her apartment after the rehearsal, Naia looked out the window and catalogued the afternoon in the way she did when she needed to understand what had happened by approaching it from the outside rather than the inside.
The afternoon had been strange. This was the plainest description and also the most accurate. She had spent two hours in a room with mirrors practicing the physical grammar of a relationship that did not exist, and the strange part was not the mirrors or the practicing or the technical requirement of performing intimacy on request. The strange part was the moments that had not been requested, that had arrived unrehearsed and without announcement and had felt, in their small way, more real than anything that had been coordinated.
The tea. That she had not said to anyone what kind of tea she drank, and yet it had arrived correctly.
The observation about her fingers, which had been delivered in the tone of someone noting a technical issue and yet had required a degree of attention to her that was not, she thought, standard professional due diligence.
The laugh. Her own, involuntary, at the situation's inherent paradox, and then his face doing the thing at the corner of his mouth.
She thought about that last one the most.
She had seen a lot of faces perform expressions. It was part of her work, understanding faces, the difference between a face that was expressing something and a face that was doing something it did not entirely mean. She had not been looking at his face when he was performing, in the official sense, the polished version. She had been looking at it in the unguarded fraction of a second after the laugh, and what she had seen was not a performed relaxation but an involuntary one, which were entirely different animals.
She pressed her forehead briefly against the cool glass of the car window.
She was building a catalogue of unrehearsed things. She was aware that this was what she was doing. She was aware that this was information about herself as much as about him, because you did not build catalogues of unrehearsed moments about people who were entirely irrelevant to you.
The car pulled up outside her building.
She sat for a moment before getting out, which the driver, bless him, acknowledged by doing nothing.
She thought about the next two months. The events scheduled, the appearances coordinated, the public narrative being constructed one careful image at a time. She thought about ninety days, sixty of which remained, and what sixty days in the company of someone who was very good at performing one version of themselves and occasionally, briefly, performed another was going to do to her carefully maintained distances.
She thought about the ink on her knuckle, which the product in the palace supply room might or might not take out, and about the fact that he had noticed it and had thought to mention a solution, and about the chain of small attentions that had accumulated over two weeks into something that was beginning to have a shape.
She got out of the car.
She went upstairs and made tea and opened her sketchbook to a fresh page and sat at the window for a long time before she drew anything at all.
When she drew, she drew hands. Specifically, the configuration of two hands: one on a sleeve, one briefly over it. She drew the exact amount of contact, which she had stored precisely, and the exact duration of it, which she could not draw but could feel in the rendering, the weight of a moment that was there and then was not.
She looked at the drawing.
She turned to a new page and wrote, at the top: Things I am going to have to be careful about.
She did not write anything below it yet.
She left the page blank and went to make dinner, because she had not eaten since the morning and her body was filing a reasonable complaint, and because some pages needed to be left blank for a while before you knew what belonged on them.
The morning after the rehearsal, she woke early and lay still for a few minutes before getting up. She thought about the session with the particular clarity that mornings sometimes offered, the way sleep worked over the events of the previous day and returned them simplified, their essential qualities clarified by the removal of noise. What she was left with, in the quiet before the day began, was not the strangeness of the exercise or the managed intimacy of the practice positions. What she was left with was the tea, arrived correctly without being requested. The specific attention that required. She got up and made her own tea and thought about attention, about what it meant when it was paid carefully, and about the fact that she was thinking about it at all.
She opened her sketchbook and looked at the drawing from last night. She added a detail she had not put in before: the ceramic pitcher of water on the table in the rehearsal room, visible in the corner of the image, small and easily missed. A detail that mattered only if you knew what it was standing in for.
She thought she knew what it was standing in for.
You've reached the end of this chapter