Lucien had expected the house to fight him. Instead it simply went on being clean.
He had come back from the Oakhurst yard with his heart pounding and his left hand shoved so deep into his coat pocket that the seam had bitten his knuckles. He had gone straight through the kitchen and up the stairs and stood in the middle of his old bedroom with his eyes shut, breathing, for what might have been five minutes. I could hear the kiln last night. Of all the things a grown man with a decent education and fifteen years of public speaking might have said. He had rehearsed it in the car, in the shower, in the dark. Hello, Silas. I'm sorry. I would understand if you never wanted to speak to me again. Instead he had stood in that yard like a schoolboy, and a sentence about acoustics had walked out of his mouth.
If it keeps you up, you can take it up with the kiln.
He opened his eyes. The poster of the disappointed cellist regarded him from above the bed.
"Don't," Lucien said.
Then, because there was nothing in the world to do with a humiliation except work through it, he went to the hall closet, found the roll of heavy trash bags his father had bought in bulk sometime in 1998, and began to clear the house.
He started with the upstairs linen closet, since it seemed the least dangerous place to begin. It held towels, folded in thirds the way Gideon folded everything, and sheets that smelled of cedar and nothing else, and on the top shelf a row of the wool blankets his mother had loved. He ran a finger along the shelf edge and looked at it. Clean. He tried again on the next shelf, and the next, and the windowsill at the end of the landing, and the top of the grandfather clock, which had stopped at twenty past four sometime in the previous decade and which his father had refused on principle to repair. Not a trace of dust.
He stood in the upstairs hall with a gray fingertip that was not gray and frowned at it.
It was a small thing. He told himself it was a small thing. A house that had stood empty for two months should have been furred over with dust, with spiders and stale air and the particular sour hush of a place nobody was breathing in. But the window latches turned smoothly when he tried them. The carpet runner lifted without releasing a cloud. When he went down to the basement and turned the tap on the old utility sink, the water ran clear and cold at once, with no rust and no cough in the pipes, and on the furnace, a squat black beast he remembered mainly for the way it had banged on winter nights, someone had tied a paper tag with a string.
Serviced 9/14, it read, in a square, careful hand. Filter changed. Next service due 9/14.
Lucien turned the tag over. Nothing on the back.
September fourteenth. His father had died in the second week of August. This had been done after.
He climbed to the attic with a flashlight and the dim idea of finding the worst, buckets under a leak, brown stains blooming through the ceiling plaster, a squirrel's nest in the eaves. The pull-down ladder came down on the first try. The attic was dry and cool and smelled of old wood and old summers. The rafters showed no water marks. The insulation lay flat and undisturbed. In the corner stood a stack of his mother's hatboxes, and beside them a box of his own school notebooks, and above him the roof, which in his memory had always been one hard rain from collapse, kept its shape like a held breath.
Back on the ground floor, he went out the front door and walked around the outside of the house with his head tipped back. The gutters were clear. Not a single leaf in them, though the great maple in the yard was shedding itself over the whole property in handfuls. The porch railing, which had wobbled when he was fifteen, had been tightened. The sagging corner on the left had a new brace under it, pale wood, still raw.
Someone had been taking care of this place.
He went inside, found a yellow legal pad in the desk in the dining room, and wrote across the top in his tidy musician's hand: Ask Pell. Caretaker? Invoices? Who has keys? Underneath he wrote, Thank them. He looked at that last line for a while.
The lawyer's people, surely. Mr. Pell had mentioned that his office would see to the essentials, and Lucien, who had been sitting on the edge of a bed in a rented apartment at the time, trying and failing to feel something about the word estate, had said yes, thank you, whatever was needed. It was like him not to ask what that meant. It was like him to let things be handled, and then be surprised to find that they had been.
It did not feel right, though. It was the wrong kind of clean. An agency would have left a house tidy. This was something else. This was a house that had been looked after the way you look after something you would be sorry to lose, with a kind of daily, stubborn tenderness. A faucet fixed before it dripped. A railing tightened before it gave.
He made himself stop thinking about it. He filled the first trash bag with his father's stale spices from the pantry, a dozen expired jars of cloves and mace that had been ancient when Lucien was a child, and tied it off, and carried it to the back step, and set it down.
The back step was bare. There was a nail in the post where a lantern had hung once. The wall and the Oakhurst chimney stood at the bottom of the garden in the afternoon light, and he did not look at them, in the same way that you do not look at the sun.
By two o'clock he was hungry, and by half past he had made himself a sandwich of the only bread in the house, which was somehow not stale, and eaten it standing at the sink.
It was in the drainer that he saw the mug.
He had not used it. He was sure of that. Last night he had made tea in a white china cup from the shelf above the stove, and this morning he had made more in the same cup, and he had rinsed it and put it back. This was something else. A heavy, wide-bellied stoneware mug, upside down on the wire rack, with a thick thumb-hollowed handle and a glaze the color of pale celadon, stippled all over with tiny rust-brown flecks like a bird's egg.
He turned it over. Inside, at the bottom, a faint brown ring had dried where tea had once stood.
A spoon lay beside it in the rack. A second spoon. A man did not leave a second spoon unless he meant to come back.
Lucien stood with the mug in his hand, and the afternoon went very quiet around him.
It was Silas's glaze. Of course it was. He would have known it anywhere. That cool green-gray with the iron in it, which Silas had been chasing at the age of nineteen with a notebook of failed tests and a kiln that would not behave. It was in half the kitchens in the valley. It was in the diner and the feed store and the church basement. Silas sold his work at every farm stand between here and the coast. A mug of that glaze in a kitchen in Alderbrook meant nothing at all. It meant a Marsh had bought a mug, once, from the local potter, as anyone would.
Except that his father had never in his life bought anything he could not return.
He set the mug back on the rack, exactly where it had been, handle turned the same way. He wiped his hands on a dish towel. He did not think about the second spoon, and he did not think about the tea ring, and he did not think about who had stood in this kitchen two months ago, on an ordinary evening, with the kettle on and the light going. That was a door he had no business opening.
He went upstairs instead, because there was only one door on the landing he had not yet opened, and the day was running out.
The music room was at the front of the house on the east side, the room with the window that overlooked the wall. It had been a sewing room until he was nine. Then one September his father had come home with a music stand and a metronome and a folding chair, and the room had become something else. A place of discipline. A place with a door that closed.
Lucien stood on the threshold for some time.
It looked smaller than he remembered, as childhood rooms always did. A bare floor of wide boards, worn pale in a rough half-circle where a chair had been dragged in the same spot for fifteen years. A single tall window with a heavy curtain. The music stand, folded and leaning in the corner. The metronome on the shelf, a wooden pyramid with a brass pendulum, still, like a man who has finished his speech. And in the center of the room, set upright on a wooden stand as though it had been waiting for an audience, an old hard case, scuffed black, with a strip of green tape across the handle that said, in his own childish printing, MARSH. DO NOT TOUCH.
He had written that when he was eleven. He had been very angry at someone about something. He could not remember who.
He crossed the room, knelt, and undid the latches with both thumbs. They sprang up with the old sharp snap, and he lifted the lid.
It was his first full-size cello. The student instrument, the one he had played from fourteen until the scholarship, with its faded varnish and its scar of white along the left shoulder where a hundred and fifty thousand hours of knee had rubbed the finish away. The good cello, the one he had spent his savings on abroad, had gone with him on the plane and was in a climate-controlled storage unit in the city. This one he had left behind. He had thought, when he left, that his father would sell it, or burn it, or let it rot in a closet.
It lay in the velvet like a sleeper.
Someone had loosened the strings. Properly, the way you do for long storage, each peg backed off a measured quarter turn, the bridge held upright by a small wedge of cork, a fresh humidity pack tucked into the neck compartment, its paper label dated this summer. The bow lay in its clip with its hair slackened. The rosin sat in its own little cloth beside it. Everything was exactly where a person who knew what they were doing would put it.
Gideon Marsh had known nothing about cellos. He had known how to count, and how to keep time, and how to say again. He would not have known to back off a peg.
Lucien reached out and laid two fingers on the neck.
The wood was cool and a little rough with age. Beneath his hand the strings lay slack and quiet, four silent lines of steel and gut that had held his entire life together in one way or another. He drew the pad of his thumb across the A string. It made no sound. It was too loose to speak.
He thought of tuning it. His left hand was already moving toward the pegs, an old reflex, the body remembering before the mind could object. He saw the hand arriving there, and he saw that it was shaking.
Not the faint hum of the morning. This was worse, a fine, quick, helpless trembling that began at the knuckles and ran up the tendons of his forearm, as though the muscles had picked up the memory of what he was asking of them and rebelled. He stared at it. He watched it with a kind of cold, scientific horror. He closed his fingers into a fist, and the fist shook, and he pressed it hard against the center of his chest and held it there until his breath came back.
Three months, he thought. Three months, and it won't even let me tune.
He did not touch the cello again. He sat back on his heels on the pale floor, in the place where his father's chair had been, and he found, to his surprise, that the room was not empty at all.
Gideon was in it.
Not as a ghost. As a posture. As the particular quality of silence a tall, narrow man makes when he stands in a doorway with his hands clasped behind him and a pocket watch in one palm. Lucien was fourteen, and the Dvorak concerto was open on the stand, and the clock said six o'clock, and his father had not said anything at all for the last forty minutes. That was the cruelty of it. Gideon never raised his voice. He only waited, and listened, and at the end of every piece said the same single word.
Again.
It had not been hatred. Lucien was clear on that now, in a way he had not been at fourteen. It had been a kind of terrible faith. His father had looked at him and seen something that could be made perfect, and had believed, with all the rigid force of his nature, that the only decent thing to do with such a gift was to hold it to the highest standard there was. He had simply never learned the other half. The part where you tell a child that he is loved when he fails.
Lucien had won the Fenwick Prize at sixteen, and had run home down Fennick Lane with the certificate crushed in his fist, and his father had read it standing in the hall. And he had said, Good. Now you know what it costs to be good.
He had played his London debut at twenty-six. A hall of two thousand people. He had stood in the corridor of the stage door afterward with an armful of flowers and his heart still racing, and he had called home, on a landline, because Gideon did not own a mobile phone. The line had rung six times. His father always let it ring six times. And then: I read the notices. A pause so long that Lucien could hear, behind it, the tick of the clock in the downstairs hall. Adequate.
And then, quietly, as if it cost him something: Eat something.
Lucien had laughed until a stagehand looked at him. Then he had gone into the washroom and stood with his forehead against a cold tiled wall until the shaking stopped.
He had told himself, every year since, that it did not matter. That a man of thirty-three did not need his father's approval. That the dead could not give it and the living could not be made to. It was an excellent argument. He had made it in many cities.
He closed the lid of the case. He did it carefully, so that the latches would not snap. He had the odd wish not to wake it.
Then he stood, and his knees cracked, and his whole body ached with the delayed fatigue of a man who had been carrying a house on his back since dawn. The light in the room had gone gold and slanting. Dust motes, which should not have existed, turned in it slowly. He crossed to the window, meaning only to close the curtain against the evening and be done with the day.
He pulled the curtain back instead.
Below, the wall ran in its long gray line along the edge of the property, and past it the Oakhurst yard lay open to him like a stage set. The woodpile. The racks of drying pots. The covered work yard. The tall chimney trailing its thin blue thread of smoke into the evening. From up here, at this height, he could see the whole of it, as he had not been able to from the ground.
And Silas.
He was crossing the yard with a wooden barrow loaded with split oak, his sleeves rolled to the elbow, his dark-chestnut hair falling into his eyes. The late light caught the side of his face and the line of his forearm. He moved the way he always had, steady and unhurried, as though the ground belonged to him and he was only asking it politely to hold still. He had been a boy with ash on his cheek. He was a man now, broad through the shoulders, brown from the sun, and something in the way he set the barrow down made Lucien's throat go tight.
He should have stepped back from the glass.
He did not. He stood with the curtain in his fist and watched, and the dust turned slowly in the air around him, and for a moment the whole world narrowed down to that small, bright rectangle of yard, and a man in it, and the quiet.
Silas straightened with a hand to the small of his back. He turned, for no reason at all, and lifted his head.
Their eyes met.
It lasted perhaps half a second. Across forty feet of air, and a stone wall, and nine years. Lucien felt it land in the center of his chest, a clean, bright, unmistakable blow, like a bow drawn across an open string. He saw Silas's face go very still. He saw the barrow handles tighten in his hands.
Then Silas looked down, abruptly, at the barrow, and Lucien let the curtain fall from his fist and turned his own face to the wall.
He stood there in the dim, gold room with his pulse hammering in his ears and his hand pressed flat to his breastbone, and downstairs in the kitchen, on the wire drainer by the sink, a stoneware mug the color of a bird's egg went on waiting for someone to come home.
You've reached the end of this chapter
Lucien had expected the house to fight him. Instead it simply went on being clean.
He had come back from the Oakhurst yard with his heart pounding and his left hand shoved so deep into his coat pocket that the seam had bitten his knuckles. He had gone straight through the kitchen and up the stairs and stood in the middle of his old bedroom with his eyes shut, breathing, for what might have been five minutes. I could hear the kiln last night. Of all the things a grown man with a decent education and fifteen years of public speaking might have said. He had rehearsed it in the car, in the shower, in the dark. Hello, Silas. I'm sorry. I would understand if you never wanted to speak to me again. Instead he had stood in that yard like a schoolboy, and a sentence about acoustics had walked out of his mouth.
If it keeps you up, you can take it up with the kiln.
He opened his eyes. The poster of the disappointed cellist regarded him from above the bed.
"Don't," Lucien said.
Then, because there was nothing in the world to do with a humiliation except work through it, he went to the hall closet, found the roll of heavy trash bags his father had bought in bulk sometime in 1998, and began to clear the house.
He started with the upstairs linen closet, since it seemed the least dangerous place to begin. It held towels, folded in thirds the way Gideon folded everything, and sheets that smelled of cedar and nothing else, and on the top shelf a row of the wool blankets his mother had loved. He ran a finger along the shelf edge and looked at it. Clean. He tried again on the next shelf, and the next, and the windowsill at the end of the landing, and the top of the grandfather clock, which had stopped at twenty past four sometime in the previous decade and which his father had refused on principle to repair. Not a trace of dust.
He stood in the upstairs hall with a gray fingertip that was not gray and frowned at it.
It was a small thing. He told himself it was a small thing. A house that had stood empty for two months should have been furred over with dust, with spiders and stale air and the particular sour hush of a place nobody was breathing in. But the window latches turned smoothly when he tried them. The carpet runner lifted without releasing a cloud. When he went down to the basement and turned the tap on the old utility sink, the water ran clear and cold at once, with no rust and no cough in the pipes, and on the furnace, a squat black beast he remembered mainly for the way it had banged on winter nights, someone had tied a paper tag with a string.
Serviced 9/14, it read, in a square, careful hand. Filter changed. Next service due 9/14.
Lucien turned the tag over. Nothing on the back.
September fourteenth. His father had died in the second week of August. This had been done after.
He climbed to the attic with a flashlight and the dim idea of finding the worst, buckets under a leak, brown stains blooming through the ceiling plaster, a squirrel's nest in the eaves. The pull-down ladder came down on the first try. The attic was dry and cool and smelled of old wood and old summers. The rafters showed no water marks. The insulation lay flat and undisturbed. In the corner stood a stack of his mother's hatboxes, and beside them a box of his own school notebooks, and above him the roof, which in his memory had always been one hard rain from collapse, kept its shape like a held breath.
Back on the ground floor, he went out the front door and walked around the outside of the house with his head tipped back. The gutters were clear. Not a single leaf in them, though the great maple in the yard was shedding itself over the whole property in handfuls. The porch railing, which had wobbled when he was fifteen, had been tightened. The sagging corner on the left had a new brace under it, pale wood, still raw.
Someone had been taking care of this place.
He went inside, found a yellow legal pad in the desk in the dining room, and wrote across the top in his tidy musician's hand: Ask Pell. Caretaker? Invoices? Who has keys? Underneath he wrote, Thank them. He looked at that last line for a while.
The lawyer's people, surely. Mr. Pell had mentioned that his office would see to the essentials, and Lucien, who had been sitting on the edge of a bed in a rented apartment at the time, trying and failing to feel something about the word estate, had said yes, thank you, whatever was needed. It was like him not to ask what that meant. It was like him to let things be handled, and then be surprised to find that they had been.
It did not feel right, though. It was the wrong kind of clean. An agency would have left a house tidy. This was something else. This was a house that had been looked after the way you look after something you would be sorry to lose, with a kind of daily, stubborn tenderness. A faucet fixed before it dripped. A railing tightened before it gave.
He made himself stop thinking about it. He filled the first trash bag with his father's stale spices from the pantry, a dozen expired jars of cloves and mace that had been ancient when Lucien was a child, and tied it off, and carried it to the back step, and set it down.
The back step was bare. There was a nail in the post where a lantern had hung once. The wall and the Oakhurst chimney stood at the bottom of the garden in the afternoon light, and he did not look at them, in the same way that you do not look at the sun.
By two o'clock he was hungry, and by half past he had made himself a sandwich of the only bread in the house, which was somehow not stale, and eaten it standing at the sink.
It was in the drainer that he saw the mug.
He had not used it. He was sure of that. Last night he had made tea in a white china cup from the shelf above the stove, and this morning he had made more in the same cup, and he had rinsed it and put it back. This was something else. A heavy, wide-bellied stoneware mug, upside down on the wire rack, with a thick thumb-hollowed handle and a glaze the color of pale celadon, stippled all over with tiny rust-brown flecks like a bird's egg.
He turned it over. Inside, at the bottom, a faint brown ring had dried where tea had once stood.
A spoon lay beside it in the rack. A second spoon. A man did not leave a second spoon unless he meant to come back.
Lucien stood with the mug in his hand, and the afternoon went very quiet around him.
It was Silas's glaze. Of course it was. He would have known it anywhere. That cool green-gray with the iron in it, which Silas had been chasing at the age of nineteen with a notebook of failed tests and a kiln that would not behave. It was in half the kitchens in the valley. It was in the diner and the feed store and the church basement. Silas sold his work at every farm stand between here and the coast. A mug of that glaze in a kitchen in Alderbrook meant nothing at all. It meant a Marsh had bought a mug, once, from the local potter, as anyone would.
Except that his father had never in his life bought anything he could not return.
He set the mug back on the rack, exactly where it had been, handle turned the same way. He wiped his hands on a dish towel. He did not think about the second spoon, and he did not think about the tea ring, and he did not think about who had stood in this kitchen two months ago, on an ordinary evening, with the kettle on and the light going. That was a door he had no business opening.
He went upstairs instead, because there was only one door on the landing he had not yet opened, and the day was running out.
The music room was at the front of the house on the east side, the room with the window that overlooked the wall. It had been a sewing room until he was nine. Then one September his father had come home with a music stand and a metronome and a folding chair, and the room had become something else. A place of discipline. A place with a door that closed.
Lucien stood on the threshold for some time.
It looked smaller than he remembered, as childhood rooms always did. A bare floor of wide boards, worn pale in a rough half-circle where a chair had been dragged in the same spot for fifteen years. A single tall window with a heavy curtain. The music stand, folded and leaning in the corner. The metronome on the shelf, a wooden pyramid with a brass pendulum, still, like a man who has finished his speech. And in the center of the room, set upright on a wooden stand as though it had been waiting for an audience, an old hard case, scuffed black, with a strip of green tape across the handle that said, in his own childish printing, MARSH. DO NOT TOUCH.
He had written that when he was eleven. He had been very angry at someone about something. He could not remember who.
He crossed the room, knelt, and undid the latches with both thumbs. They sprang up with the old sharp snap, and he lifted the lid.
It was his first full-size cello. The student instrument, the one he had played from fourteen until the scholarship, with its faded varnish and its scar of white along the left shoulder where a hundred and fifty thousand hours of knee had rubbed the finish away. The good cello, the one he had spent his savings on abroad, had gone with him on the plane and was in a climate-controlled storage unit in the city. This one he had left behind. He had thought, when he left, that his father would sell it, or burn it, or let it rot in a closet.
It lay in the velvet like a sleeper.
Someone had loosened the strings. Properly, the way you do for long storage, each peg backed off a measured quarter turn, the bridge held upright by a small wedge of cork, a fresh humidity pack tucked into the neck compartment, its paper label dated this summer. The bow lay in its clip with its hair slackened. The rosin sat in its own little cloth beside it. Everything was exactly where a person who knew what they were doing would put it.
Gideon Marsh had known nothing about cellos. He had known how to count, and how to keep time, and how to say again. He would not have known to back off a peg.
Lucien reached out and laid two fingers on the neck.
The wood was cool and a little rough with age. Beneath his hand the strings lay slack and quiet, four silent lines of steel and gut that had held his entire life together in one way or another. He drew the pad of his thumb across the A string. It made no sound. It was too loose to speak.
He thought of tuning it. His left hand was already moving toward the pegs, an old reflex, the body remembering before the mind could object. He saw the hand arriving there, and he saw that it was shaking.
Not the faint hum of the morning. This was worse, a fine, quick, helpless trembling that began at the knuckles and ran up the tendons of his forearm, as though the muscles had picked up the memory of what he was asking of them and rebelled. He stared at it. He watched it with a kind of cold, scientific horror. He closed his fingers into a fist, and the fist shook, and he pressed it hard against the center of his chest and held it there until his breath came back.
Three months, he thought. Three months, and it won't even let me tune.
He did not touch the cello again. He sat back on his heels on the pale floor, in the place where his father's chair had been, and he found, to his surprise, that the room was not empty at all.
Gideon was in it.
Not as a ghost. As a posture. As the particular quality of silence a tall, narrow man makes when he stands in a doorway with his hands clasped behind him and a pocket watch in one palm. Lucien was fourteen, and the Dvorak concerto was open on the stand, and the clock said six o'clock, and his father had not said anything at all for the last forty minutes. That was the cruelty of it. Gideon never raised his voice. He only waited, and listened, and at the end of every piece said the same single word.
Again.
It had not been hatred. Lucien was clear on that now, in a way he had not been at fourteen. It had been a kind of terrible faith. His father had looked at him and seen something that could be made perfect, and had believed, with all the rigid force of his nature, that the only decent thing to do with such a gift was to hold it to the highest standard there was. He had simply never learned the other half. The part where you tell a child that he is loved when he fails.
Lucien had won the Fenwick Prize at sixteen, and had run home down Fennick Lane with the certificate crushed in his fist, and his father had read it standing in the hall. And he had said, Good. Now you know what it costs to be good.
He had played his London debut at twenty-six. A hall of two thousand people. He had stood in the corridor of the stage door afterward with an armful of flowers and his heart still racing, and he had called home, on a landline, because Gideon did not own a mobile phone. The line had rung six times. His father always let it ring six times. And then: I read the notices. A pause so long that Lucien could hear, behind it, the tick of the clock in the downstairs hall. Adequate.
And then, quietly, as if it cost him something: Eat something.
Lucien had laughed until a stagehand looked at him. Then he had gone into the washroom and stood with his forehead against a cold tiled wall until the shaking stopped.
He had told himself, every year since, that it did not matter. That a man of thirty-three did not need his father's approval. That the dead could not give it and the living could not be made to. It was an excellent argument. He had made it in many cities.
He closed the lid of the case. He did it carefully, so that the latches would not snap. He had the odd wish not to wake it.
Then he stood, and his knees cracked, and his whole body ached with the delayed fatigue of a man who had been carrying a house on his back since dawn. The light in the room had gone gold and slanting. Dust motes, which should not have existed, turned in it slowly. He crossed to the window, meaning only to close the curtain against the evening and be done with the day.
He pulled the curtain back instead.
Below, the wall ran in its long gray line along the edge of the property, and past it the Oakhurst yard lay open to him like a stage set. The woodpile. The racks of drying pots. The covered work yard. The tall chimney trailing its thin blue thread of smoke into the evening. From up here, at this height, he could see the whole of it, as he had not been able to from the ground.
And Silas.
He was crossing the yard with a wooden barrow loaded with split oak, his sleeves rolled to the elbow, his dark-chestnut hair falling into his eyes. The late light caught the side of his face and the line of his forearm. He moved the way he always had, steady and unhurried, as though the ground belonged to him and he was only asking it politely to hold still. He had been a boy with ash on his cheek. He was a man now, broad through the shoulders, brown from the sun, and something in the way he set the barrow down made Lucien's throat go tight.
He should have stepped back from the glass.
He did not. He stood with the curtain in his fist and watched, and the dust turned slowly in the air around him, and for a moment the whole world narrowed down to that small, bright rectangle of yard, and a man in it, and the quiet.
Silas straightened with a hand to the small of his back. He turned, for no reason at all, and lifted his head.
Their eyes met.
It lasted perhaps half a second. Across forty feet of air, and a stone wall, and nine years. Lucien felt it land in the center of his chest, a clean, bright, unmistakable blow, like a bow drawn across an open string. He saw Silas's face go very still. He saw the barrow handles tighten in his hands.
Then Silas looked down, abruptly, at the barrow, and Lucien let the curtain fall from his fist and turned his own face to the wall.
He stood there in the dim, gold room with his pulse hammering in his ears and his hand pressed flat to his breastbone, and downstairs in the kitchen, on the wire drainer by the sink, a stoneware mug the color of a bird's egg went on waiting for someone to come home.
You've reached the end of this chapter