The sign went up on Friday morning, and Silas saw it from the bottom of the lane with a bucket of slip in each hand.
It was a white board on a green post, planted at the end of the Marsh driveway where no one could possibly miss it. FOR SALE. Beneath that, in a friendly blue script, Pruitt & Daughters Realty, and a telephone number. Somebody had hammered it in a little crooked. Silas set down the buckets and stood with his hands on his hips and looked at it for rather longer than a reasonable man looks at a sign.
It was only a board. It had been coming for weeks. Walt Pruitt had told half the valley, and Camille had told the other half, and Silas had said good for him so many times that the phrase had lost its meaning. He had no right to any feeling about it at all.
He was aware of a feeling about it anyway. It sat under his breastbone, small and hard, like a stone swallowed by mistake.
"It's a house," he said aloud, to the buckets. "People sell houses."
The buckets did not argue. He picked them up and went on to the workshop, and he did not glance back at the sign more than twice.
The morning was bright and cold, with frost still silvering the shadows. The big kiln had finished cooling at dawn, and Silas had spent two hours unloading it with the slow reverence the job demanded. It had been a good firing. The celadon had come out like pond ice, the shino had broken warm and orange along the rims, and three of the tall jars had picked up a drift of ash on one shoulder that ran like green honey. He had set them out on the long table in the window and stood back with his arms folded, and for a little while the whole world had been simple.
Then Dee had arrived with her notebook and a bag of donuts, and the world had become simple in a different way. She had spent forty minutes asking about shrinkage rates. She had also, he noticed, looked out of the east window at the Marsh house approximately once every ninety seconds, with an expression of strenuous innocence.
"You're doing it again," he had said.
"Doing what?"
"Whatever that is."
"I'm observing the landscape," Dee said with great dignity, and wrote something down that she angled away from him.
Now she had gone back to the college, and it was a quarter past eleven, and he was kneeling on the workshop floor sorting seconds into crates when he heard it. A thin, sharp, metallic clatter, from the direction of the Marsh house, followed by a very quiet, very restrained word.
Silas stopped with a crooked bowl in his hand.
The word had been one Lucien Marsh would never have said in front of his father. It had been said with such exquisite politeness that it was almost a prayer.
He set the bowl down. He told himself it was none of his business. He sorted two more mugs and a creamer. Then there was a second clatter, and the sound of something heavy being struck by something that was not a hammer, and he found that he was on his feet with his gloves already off.
He went around by the gate, because it was faster, and because the other way would have meant admitting that he was going.
Lucien was on the front porch with his back to him, one hand braced against the frame of the screen door and the other holding a screwdriver at an angle that suggested a great deal of optimism and no experience at all. The door itself hung crooked on its upper hinge, scraping a pale arc in the paint of the porch floor. A small drift of screws lay scattered across the boards. One was still rolling.
"Don't," Silas said.
Lucien jumped. The screwdriver slipped out of his fingers and rang against the floor.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to" Silas stopped. He had been about to say frighten you. He said instead, "That's the wrong driver."
"It's a screwdriver."
"It's a Phillips. Those are slotted screws." He bent and picked up the dropped tool, and the little rolling screw, and turned the screw over in his palm so that the light caught its single straight groove. "Your father didn't trust anything that wasn't old."
Lucien looked at the screw. Then at the driver. A flush rose from his collar, slow and fierce. "I've been at this for twenty minutes."
"I heard."
"You could hear that?"
"There's a certain word you said."
"Oh my God." Lucien put the heel of his hand against his forehead, and then, apparently realizing what it looked like, took it away. His hand, Silas noted, was not steady. Not badly. A fine, tight quiver, the kind you would only see if you were looking, and Silas was always looking, God help him. Lucien tucked the hand behind his back. "I wanted the door to close. It hasn't closed properly in months. Someone has to at least try to make the place presentable."
"Someone does." Silas knelt. "Hold the door."
"I can"
"Hold it, Lucien."
He held it.
It took Silas six minutes. He did it without a single remark, which cost him more than he would have admitted. He took the door off its upper hinge, found the stripped screw hole, packed it with a glued matchstick from his shirt pocket, and set the hinge back with the correct screws from a coffee tin he had fetched out of the Marsh shed without being told where it was. He had not meant to do that. His hands had simply known the way.
He did not look up to see whether Lucien had noticed.
When it was done, the door swung closed with a soft, round click, like a held breath let go. They both stood looking at it.
"Oh," Lucien said quietly.
"Needs a drop of oil on the lower pin. I'll bring some."
"I have oil. I think."
"You have a can of it in the shed. Third shelf. It's got a red lid."
Silence. Silas closed his mouth, with a small click of his own.
He had not intended to reveal that. It sat between them on the porch like a dropped plate. Lucien was looking at him, gray-green eyes narrowed with the slow beginning of a question, and Silas felt, with great clarity, the cliff edge of the next few seconds.
"It was always the third shelf," he said, as flatly as he could. "When we were kids. Your father was a very consistent man."
It was true. It was also, in the strictest sense, not the reason. Lucien held his gaze a moment longer. Then something in his face eased, and he nodded, and the question went back wherever questions went.
"He was," he said.
They were standing in the narrow frame of the doorway, because that was where the work had left them. It was not a wide door. The porch roof lowered the light to a soft, dim amber, and the air smelled of old wood and cold and, faintly, of resin, something sweet and sharp, the smell of a bow being drawn across a cake of rosin on a morning that had held no music for three months. Silas realized, with a small cold shock, that it came from Lucien. It was in his sweater. His hands. His hair.
He stood very still.
They were closer than he had meant them to be. He could see the fine, pale line of an old scar along Lucien's jaw, a thing he knew the origin of and had not thought about in nine years: a bicycle, a gravel road, a boy of fifteen laughing with blood on his chin. He could see the single thread of silver at the temple. He could see the pulse in the hollow of Lucien's throat, quick and visible, and Silas thought, with a kind of horror, that it was going just as fast as his own.
Lucien's eyes dropped, very briefly, to Silas's mouth.
It was perhaps a quarter of a second. Silas would have staked his life that it had not happened, and he would have lost.
"Thank you," Lucien said. It came out too fast, in a rush. "Really. I'm so grateful, I didn't mean to take your whole morning, I know you have a firing to unload and a student, and I'd have figured it out eventually, probably, if I'd just"
"You'd have taken the door off the frame."
"That's" A breath of unwilling laughter. "That's likely, yes."
"You were always better with a bow than a tool."
He heard it a heartbeat after he said it. Lucien went still. Silas, very carefully, did not move, and did not breathe, and cursed his own tongue with a long, silent, bitter eloquence. It was an old line. It had been a joke, once, between two boys on a wall. It had lived for years in some warm back room of his memory, and now it had walked out into the daylight without asking.
"Yes," said Lucien softly. "I was."
The screen door swung a little in the breeze. The sound of it closing and opening again, on its own clean hinge, was the only sound in the world.
Silas said, very dry, "It's a good door now. Don't thank me. Thank the matchstick."
"Thank you, matchstick," Lucien said gravely.
He was smiling. It was a very small smile, crooked and surprised, and it took ten years off his face. Silas looked at it, and something in his chest, which had been braced for hours, for days, for nine years, gave way, a fraction, like a latch.
He took a step back. It was the only sensible thing.
That was when the phone rang.
It was in Lucien's back pocket, shrill and bright. He jumped, fumbled it out, glanced at the screen. "It's Walt. I should" He answered. "Lucien Marsh. Yes. Good morning, Walt."
Silas could hear the big, warm voice, the tinny rumble of it, though not the words. He watched Lucien's face change as he listened. The color left it by degrees. The smile went out like a lamp.
"This Saturday," Lucien said. "Morning. Yes. A couple from the city, I see. Yes. Ten o'clock. No, that's, I'll be here. That's fine. Thank you, Walt. I'll make sure the place is ready."
He ended the call and stood holding the phone against his chest, and said nothing, and Silas looked at the crisp new sign at the end of the drive, and neither of them mentioned it.
"Someone wants to see it," Lucien said at last. His voice was very even. "Saturday. A young couple. They've been looking in the valley for a year. They're, Walt says, very serious."
"That's good," Silas said.
"Yes."
"That's what you're here for."
"Yes. It is."
They stood there. Neither of them moved. The sun slid behind a cloud, and the porch went suddenly gray, and the warm, close, resin-scented amber of a moment before was gone, as though someone had turned down a lamp.
There was a great deal Silas might have said. He knew each sentence by its weight. There was a long list. He picked up none of them.
"I'll bring the oil," he said. "Tomorrow."
"You don't have to."
"I know."
He turned, and went down the porch steps, and across the long grass, and through the green gate, and did not look back. His boots left dark prints in the white frost, a neat dotted line from the Marsh porch to his own door, and when he stepped inside the workshop and shut it behind him, the whole room smelled of clay and ash and cold stone, and he stood there a long time with his back against the wood.
He had stood in that doorway too long. He was perfectly aware of it. It was a matter of simple arithmetic: the time it took to fix a door, plus the time he had stayed after, and a figure that would, if anyone were keeping count, have been sufficient to fix four.
He went to the window. From there, across the wall, he could see the new sign at the foot of the lane, and the porch, and the front door, now closing, and the pale shape of a man behind the glass who stood with his hand lifted and did not seem to know what to do with it.
At six, when the light went blue, Silas finally found the thing he had been circling all day. It had been sitting there in the back of his mind like a seed in the ground.
The Marsh land. Not the house. The ground behind it. The long south-facing slope running down toward the river, level where the old shed stood, open to the prevailing wind, well-drained, close to the road. He had walked it a hundred times in the last ten years, with a stick in his hand and a figure in his head. It was precisely the size. It was the only piece of land in the valley that was. A kiln four times the size of the one he had, a proper anagama, a long tunnel of brick climbing the hill like a sleeping dragon, one that could fire for a week and hold two thousand pots, one that his father had talked about on summer nights until his own knees had given out.
It was the kiln he had meant to build, nine years ago, with someone beside him on a wall.
And it was on the other side of a sign that said For Sale.
Silas stood at the glass with the dusk coming down and let himself, only for the length of a breath, want it. Not the land. The whole of it. The slope and the kiln and the smoke going up. The wall with someone sitting on it. A life with its door standing open.
Then he turned on the lamp, and the window went black and gave him back his own tired face, and he said, quietly, to nobody, "You can't ask him for that."
He did not have an answer for himself. He went to wash up for dinner, and, hours later, lay awake on the narrow cot listening to the cold kiln tick as it cooled, with a screwdriver, a coffee tin, and the quarter-second of a gaze circling in his mind like smoke that would not find the flue.
You've reached the end of this chapter
The sign went up on Friday morning, and Silas saw it from the bottom of the lane with a bucket of slip in each hand.
It was a white board on a green post, planted at the end of the Marsh driveway where no one could possibly miss it. FOR SALE. Beneath that, in a friendly blue script, Pruitt & Daughters Realty, and a telephone number. Somebody had hammered it in a little crooked. Silas set down the buckets and stood with his hands on his hips and looked at it for rather longer than a reasonable man looks at a sign.
It was only a board. It had been coming for weeks. Walt Pruitt had told half the valley, and Camille had told the other half, and Silas had said good for him so many times that the phrase had lost its meaning. He had no right to any feeling about it at all.
He was aware of a feeling about it anyway. It sat under his breastbone, small and hard, like a stone swallowed by mistake.
"It's a house," he said aloud, to the buckets. "People sell houses."
The buckets did not argue. He picked them up and went on to the workshop, and he did not glance back at the sign more than twice.
The morning was bright and cold, with frost still silvering the shadows. The big kiln had finished cooling at dawn, and Silas had spent two hours unloading it with the slow reverence the job demanded. It had been a good firing. The celadon had come out like pond ice, the shino had broken warm and orange along the rims, and three of the tall jars had picked up a drift of ash on one shoulder that ran like green honey. He had set them out on the long table in the window and stood back with his arms folded, and for a little while the whole world had been simple.
Then Dee had arrived with her notebook and a bag of donuts, and the world had become simple in a different way. She had spent forty minutes asking about shrinkage rates. She had also, he noticed, looked out of the east window at the Marsh house approximately once every ninety seconds, with an expression of strenuous innocence.
"You're doing it again," he had said.
"Doing what?"
"Whatever that is."
"I'm observing the landscape," Dee said with great dignity, and wrote something down that she angled away from him.
Now she had gone back to the college, and it was a quarter past eleven, and he was kneeling on the workshop floor sorting seconds into crates when he heard it. A thin, sharp, metallic clatter, from the direction of the Marsh house, followed by a very quiet, very restrained word.
Silas stopped with a crooked bowl in his hand.
The word had been one Lucien Marsh would never have said in front of his father. It had been said with such exquisite politeness that it was almost a prayer.
He set the bowl down. He told himself it was none of his business. He sorted two more mugs and a creamer. Then there was a second clatter, and the sound of something heavy being struck by something that was not a hammer, and he found that he was on his feet with his gloves already off.
He went around by the gate, because it was faster, and because the other way would have meant admitting that he was going.
Lucien was on the front porch with his back to him, one hand braced against the frame of the screen door and the other holding a screwdriver at an angle that suggested a great deal of optimism and no experience at all. The door itself hung crooked on its upper hinge, scraping a pale arc in the paint of the porch floor. A small drift of screws lay scattered across the boards. One was still rolling.
"Don't," Silas said.
Lucien jumped. The screwdriver slipped out of his fingers and rang against the floor.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to" Silas stopped. He had been about to say frighten you. He said instead, "That's the wrong driver."
"It's a screwdriver."
"It's a Phillips. Those are slotted screws." He bent and picked up the dropped tool, and the little rolling screw, and turned the screw over in his palm so that the light caught its single straight groove. "Your father didn't trust anything that wasn't old."
Lucien looked at the screw. Then at the driver. A flush rose from his collar, slow and fierce. "I've been at this for twenty minutes."
"I heard."
"You could hear that?"
"There's a certain word you said."
"Oh my God." Lucien put the heel of his hand against his forehead, and then, apparently realizing what it looked like, took it away. His hand, Silas noted, was not steady. Not badly. A fine, tight quiver, the kind you would only see if you were looking, and Silas was always looking, God help him. Lucien tucked the hand behind his back. "I wanted the door to close. It hasn't closed properly in months. Someone has to at least try to make the place presentable."
"Someone does." Silas knelt. "Hold the door."
"I can"
"Hold it, Lucien."
He held it.
It took Silas six minutes. He did it without a single remark, which cost him more than he would have admitted. He took the door off its upper hinge, found the stripped screw hole, packed it with a glued matchstick from his shirt pocket, and set the hinge back with the correct screws from a coffee tin he had fetched out of the Marsh shed without being told where it was. He had not meant to do that. His hands had simply known the way.
He did not look up to see whether Lucien had noticed.
When it was done, the door swung closed with a soft, round click, like a held breath let go. They both stood looking at it.
"Oh," Lucien said quietly.
"Needs a drop of oil on the lower pin. I'll bring some."
"I have oil. I think."
"You have a can of it in the shed. Third shelf. It's got a red lid."
Silence. Silas closed his mouth, with a small click of his own.
He had not intended to reveal that. It sat between them on the porch like a dropped plate. Lucien was looking at him, gray-green eyes narrowed with the slow beginning of a question, and Silas felt, with great clarity, the cliff edge of the next few seconds.
"It was always the third shelf," he said, as flatly as he could. "When we were kids. Your father was a very consistent man."
It was true. It was also, in the strictest sense, not the reason. Lucien held his gaze a moment longer. Then something in his face eased, and he nodded, and the question went back wherever questions went.
"He was," he said.
They were standing in the narrow frame of the doorway, because that was where the work had left them. It was not a wide door. The porch roof lowered the light to a soft, dim amber, and the air smelled of old wood and cold and, faintly, of resin, something sweet and sharp, the smell of a bow being drawn across a cake of rosin on a morning that had held no music for three months. Silas realized, with a small cold shock, that it came from Lucien. It was in his sweater. His hands. His hair.
He stood very still.
They were closer than he had meant them to be. He could see the fine, pale line of an old scar along Lucien's jaw, a thing he knew the origin of and had not thought about in nine years: a bicycle, a gravel road, a boy of fifteen laughing with blood on his chin. He could see the single thread of silver at the temple. He could see the pulse in the hollow of Lucien's throat, quick and visible, and Silas thought, with a kind of horror, that it was going just as fast as his own.
Lucien's eyes dropped, very briefly, to Silas's mouth.
It was perhaps a quarter of a second. Silas would have staked his life that it had not happened, and he would have lost.
"Thank you," Lucien said. It came out too fast, in a rush. "Really. I'm so grateful, I didn't mean to take your whole morning, I know you have a firing to unload and a student, and I'd have figured it out eventually, probably, if I'd just"
"You'd have taken the door off the frame."
"That's" A breath of unwilling laughter. "That's likely, yes."
"You were always better with a bow than a tool."
He heard it a heartbeat after he said it. Lucien went still. Silas, very carefully, did not move, and did not breathe, and cursed his own tongue with a long, silent, bitter eloquence. It was an old line. It had been a joke, once, between two boys on a wall. It had lived for years in some warm back room of his memory, and now it had walked out into the daylight without asking.
"Yes," said Lucien softly. "I was."
The screen door swung a little in the breeze. The sound of it closing and opening again, on its own clean hinge, was the only sound in the world.
Silas said, very dry, "It's a good door now. Don't thank me. Thank the matchstick."
"Thank you, matchstick," Lucien said gravely.
He was smiling. It was a very small smile, crooked and surprised, and it took ten years off his face. Silas looked at it, and something in his chest, which had been braced for hours, for days, for nine years, gave way, a fraction, like a latch.
He took a step back. It was the only sensible thing.
That was when the phone rang.
It was in Lucien's back pocket, shrill and bright. He jumped, fumbled it out, glanced at the screen. "It's Walt. I should" He answered. "Lucien Marsh. Yes. Good morning, Walt."
Silas could hear the big, warm voice, the tinny rumble of it, though not the words. He watched Lucien's face change as he listened. The color left it by degrees. The smile went out like a lamp.
"This Saturday," Lucien said. "Morning. Yes. A couple from the city, I see. Yes. Ten o'clock. No, that's, I'll be here. That's fine. Thank you, Walt. I'll make sure the place is ready."
He ended the call and stood holding the phone against his chest, and said nothing, and Silas looked at the crisp new sign at the end of the drive, and neither of them mentioned it.
"Someone wants to see it," Lucien said at last. His voice was very even. "Saturday. A young couple. They've been looking in the valley for a year. They're, Walt says, very serious."
"That's good," Silas said.
"Yes."
"That's what you're here for."
"Yes. It is."
They stood there. Neither of them moved. The sun slid behind a cloud, and the porch went suddenly gray, and the warm, close, resin-scented amber of a moment before was gone, as though someone had turned down a lamp.
There was a great deal Silas might have said. He knew each sentence by its weight. There was a long list. He picked up none of them.
"I'll bring the oil," he said. "Tomorrow."
"You don't have to."
"I know."
He turned, and went down the porch steps, and across the long grass, and through the green gate, and did not look back. His boots left dark prints in the white frost, a neat dotted line from the Marsh porch to his own door, and when he stepped inside the workshop and shut it behind him, the whole room smelled of clay and ash and cold stone, and he stood there a long time with his back against the wood.
He had stood in that doorway too long. He was perfectly aware of it. It was a matter of simple arithmetic: the time it took to fix a door, plus the time he had stayed after, and a figure that would, if anyone were keeping count, have been sufficient to fix four.
He went to the window. From there, across the wall, he could see the new sign at the foot of the lane, and the porch, and the front door, now closing, and the pale shape of a man behind the glass who stood with his hand lifted and did not seem to know what to do with it.
At six, when the light went blue, Silas finally found the thing he had been circling all day. It had been sitting there in the back of his mind like a seed in the ground.
The Marsh land. Not the house. The ground behind it. The long south-facing slope running down toward the river, level where the old shed stood, open to the prevailing wind, well-drained, close to the road. He had walked it a hundred times in the last ten years, with a stick in his hand and a figure in his head. It was precisely the size. It was the only piece of land in the valley that was. A kiln four times the size of the one he had, a proper anagama, a long tunnel of brick climbing the hill like a sleeping dragon, one that could fire for a week and hold two thousand pots, one that his father had talked about on summer nights until his own knees had given out.
It was the kiln he had meant to build, nine years ago, with someone beside him on a wall.
And it was on the other side of a sign that said For Sale.
Silas stood at the glass with the dusk coming down and let himself, only for the length of a breath, want it. Not the land. The whole of it. The slope and the kiln and the smoke going up. The wall with someone sitting on it. A life with its door standing open.
Then he turned on the lamp, and the window went black and gave him back his own tired face, and he said, quietly, to nobody, "You can't ask him for that."
He did not have an answer for himself. He went to wash up for dinner, and, hours later, lay awake on the narrow cot listening to the cold kiln tick as it cooled, with a screwdriver, a coffee tin, and the quarter-second of a gaze circling in his mind like smoke that would not find the flue.
You've reached the end of this chapter