Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The First Wall

Chapter 12: The First Wall

She had started arriving at the library earlier.

Not by much — twenty minutes, perhaps, sometimes thirty — but enough that she had begun to think of it as hers in the morning the way she thought of the garden as hers in the afternoon: a space that preceded the day's requirements, that existed before the obligations assembled themselves and required management. She came in before Thornwall had fully committed to its working hours, made tea from the small kettle someone had at some point placed on a low shelf by the door, and read.

She was reading now. The book was a history of Veldorian land administration from the previous century — not a pleasure read, but useful, the kind of background that had begun to feel relevant in ways she had not entirely mapped yet. She had been in the library for nearly an hour and the tea was half-finished and the particular quality of the silence was the good kind, the kind that felt like permission rather than absence.

She was aware, in the peripheral way she was becoming aware of various things about her life at Thornwall, that she was looking forward to the morning corridor. The six-forty-seven intersection that had become, without announcement, part of the structure of her day.

She noted this — the looking forward — and was immediately wary of it.

She had been here before. Not this exact situation, but the architecture of it: the slow accumulation of small things that felt safe and then, at some point, weren't. The way you could arrive somewhere without noticing you'd traveled. She had arrived at trust before, by increments, and had not seen the arrival until the floor dropped away.

She returned to the chapter on land tenure disputes in the western province and told herself she was being appropriately cautious.

---

Sera found her at half past eight with the morning's schedule and a piece of information she delivered in the careful neutral tone she reserved for things she thought might require Elara's attention.

"Lord Fenwick of Ashworth-Crale has a petition scheduled for this morning," she said. "Regarding the disputed eastern parcels."

Elara knew the disputed eastern parcels. They had been disputed since before her grandfather died — a long, slow argument about drainage rights and boundary markers that had occupied various members of the extended Ashworth family for most of her lifetime. She had not thought about them since coming to Thornwall, which was a failure of attention she was only now registering.

"When?" she said.

"Ten o'clock." Sera paused. "It's not on your calendar."

"No," Elara said. "It wouldn't be."

She thought about this. Lord Fenwick was a second cousin by marriage, a man she knew by name and occasional presence at family events but not well, not personally. He was not unkind. He was persistent in the way of people who had a legitimate grievance and limited means of addressing it. The eastern parcels had been in dispute for eleven years and she did not know precisely what resolution he was seeking or what standing he had to seek it.

She also did not know that Alaric was aware the petition was coming. She did not know whether anyone had told him it was connected to the Ashworth family. She did not know whether he knew she might have relevant context.

She thought: I could find out.

She thought: or I could wait, and see what happens, and trust that — and then she stopped herself at the word trust, which had arrived in the sentence before she had invited it.

She went to the petitioner's waiting area at quarter to ten.

---

The waiting area was a room off the main administrative corridor — high-ceilinged, sparsely furnished, designed to be neutral rather than welcoming or unwelcoming. Lord Fenwick was already there when she arrived, sitting in one of the chairs with the expression of a man who had been preparing his case for longer than he wanted to have been preparing it and was now in the final stage of waiting that was worse than all the preparation.

He stood when he saw her. He was perhaps fifty, a little grey, with the look of someone who managed land and was used to weather and was not used to palaces.

"Your Majesty," he said, and the title sat awkwardly on the air, both of them registering its strangeness — she was still Elara Ashworth to this man, or had been, and whatever she was now had not fully resolved itself in either of their understandings.

"Lord Fenwick," she said. "I heard about the petition. I wanted to — " She paused. She had not entirely worked out what she wanted to do. "I wanted you to know I was aware of it."

He nodded slowly. "The eastern parcels," he said. "Eleven years is a long time."

"It is," she agreed. "I don't know the current state of the case well enough to know what outcome you're hoping for."

He told her. She listened carefully, the way she listened to things she needed to retain accurately rather than things she was simply receiving. The dispute was technical, involving water rights and a survey from 1987 that one party read one way and the other party read another. What Fenwick wanted was a formal adjudication — not necessarily in his favor, but a decision, one way or another, rather than the ongoing ambiguity that had prevented either party from developing the land or resolving the financial questions that depended on it.

It was reasonable. She could see, even from the little she knew, that it was reasonable.

At five past ten, he was called into the petitioning room.

She stayed in the waiting area. There was no reason for her to be there, exactly, but she had sat down and had not found a reason to leave, and the room was empty now except for her, and it was quiet.

The walls of Thornwall were thick, but not uniformly so. She had learned this in her weeks of mapping — that some parts of the palace carried sound in ways the official architecture did not account for. The waiting area was adjacent to one of those parts.

She did not intend to listen. She simply did not leave.

---

Alaric's voice was the one she could hear most clearly. Not words at first — just the register, the particular cadence she had learned to identify, the one that meant he was in an official capacity rather than any of the other modes she had catalogued. Efficient. Precise. The voice that made decisions.

Then, in a pause in what she assumed was Fenwick's presentation, she heard:

"The survey is not in dispute. The question is which party held prior use rights, and the documentation from 1987 is definitive on that point. The ruling will be consistent with that documentation."

A pause.

"The eastern parcels will be adjudicated in favor of the Crale party. The drainage easement on the northern boundary remains with the Ashworth estate, as documented."

Fenwick said something she couldn't hear. Alaric's response was brief, and then the conversation moved to procedural matters, and she stopped being able to follow the specifics.

She sat with what she had heard.

The ruling was not unreasonable. She could see why the 1987 documentation would be controlling. It was the kind of decision that was correct in terms of law and precedent and perhaps not ideal in terms of outcome for a family she was connected to, but that was how legal decisions worked — they followed the evidence, not the preferences.

That was not what she was sitting with.

What she was sitting with was the fact that she had not known this petition was scheduled. That no one had told her. That there had been no moment — not last night in the library, not in the morning corridor, not in any of the small exchanges that had become part of her days — where he had said: there is a matter coming up that involves your family, do you want to know about it, do you have context that would be useful.

Nothing.

She thought about the way Cassian had managed information. He had not shared things with her — not because he was protecting her, but because sharing would have required acknowledging her as a participant rather than a subject. She had been relevant to his plans, not a party to them. The distinction had taken her a long time to understand and longer to name.

She sat in the empty waiting area and thought: is this the same?

She thought: the garden, the key, the corridor mornings. I believed you. The consistent pattern of small attentions.

She thought: and yet he did not tell me.

Lord Fenwick came out of the petitioning room with the expression of a man who had received a decision he had prepared for but had not wanted. He thanked her, briefly, for being there, and she said the things that were appropriate to say, and he left.

She sat for a moment longer.

Then she went back to her room.

---

She was efficient the rest of the day, which was what she was when she was managing something she did not want to examine directly. She met with Ashby, whose company she found genuinely useful in a way she had not expected — the older woman had no patience for maneuvering and a great deal of patience for the actual work, which was a combination Elara found restful. She attended two other scheduled obligations. She ate dinner in the smaller dining room with the household, made appropriate conversation, navigated the room without incident.

She did not think about the eastern parcels.

She was in the library at seven-thirty, in her chair, with a different book. She had not decided to be there; she had simply gone, the way she had been going, and had not yet worked out whether she should be there or whether going was a continuation of the pattern she was uncertain about.

She heard him at eight. The door, the footsteps, the slight adjustment of the library's atmosphere that meant he had entered it.

She did not look up.

"Evening," he said.

"Evening," she said.

He went to his desk. She heard him settle — the chair, the papers, the particular quality of his presence that she had come to know in this room. She kept her eyes on her page.

She was reading. She was reading with the part of her mind that processed text while the other part of her mind did something else, which meant she was reading without retaining anything, which meant she was performing reading, which was not what she came here to do.

She turned a page at the appropriate interval.

He asked her, at some point — she thought it was around nine — whether she had eaten, which was the kind of practical question he occasionally asked in the evenings, the ones that felt like nothing and were not nothing. She said yes. He returned to his work.

She was aware, across the room, of the slight quality of attention he was directing toward her — not the full attention, not the direct kind, but the peripheral kind, the way she sometimes directed attention toward things she was not ready to examine. He had noticed something. He was not asking about it.

She thought: this is his pattern. When he doesn't understand something, he goes quiet.

She thought: and my pattern is to read the quiet as absence.

She thought: I know this about both of us. I identified this weeks ago.

And yet here she was, in the chair that was further from his desk than usual, with her shoulders at the angle that meant protected rather than open, doing the thing she had told herself she would stop doing.

He stood at half past nine — earlier than usual, perhaps forty minutes before she would normally have expected him to leave. He gathered his papers with the economy of movement that was simply how he moved, always, not an indication of anything except that he had finished what he was doing.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," she said.

The door closed.

---

He went to his study.

Not because there was work that required his immediate attention — there was always work, there was never a shortage of work, but the particular items in the study were not urgent in any way that justified leaving the library forty minutes before he usually left. He had left because the library had felt wrong tonight, and staying in it had felt like standing in a room where the temperature had changed without explanation and pretending he hadn't noticed.

He noticed.

He was good at noticing, had always been good at noticing, and what he had noticed in the library tonight was that she was further away than she had been last night. Not physically, necessarily — the chair she sat in was approximately the same chair. But the quality of her presence was different. The slight ease that had been developing over the past weeks, the way she had begun to settle rather than maintain, was not there tonight. She had been precise. Correct. Present in the room and not in it.

He sat at his desk and looked at the papers without reading them.

He did not know what had changed. He had reviewed the day, as he sometimes did, looking for the variable — something he had said, something he had done or had not done, some particular action or absence that would explain the withdrawal. He found nothing definitive. The morning had been ordinary. He had attended the land petition schedule, which had run to twelve items of varying weight. He had not seen her at any point during the day except at dinner, where she had been exactly as she usually was at dinner: composed, attentive, navigating the room.

He had not done anything.

He thought: that might be the problem.

He was not good at this. He could acknowledge this plainly, without drama — he had a great many competencies and the navigation of unexplained shifts in another person's emotional state was not among them. His default, when he did not understand something, was to give it space. To not press. To allow the thing to resolve itself, on the principle that most things resolved themselves if not interfered with.

He thought: she might not be reading that as space.

He thought: she might be reading that as indifference.

He did not know how to fix this without asking about it, and asking about it felt like pressing, which was the thing he was trying not to do. He had managed himself into a position where the correct action was unclear, which was an unusual situation for him and an uncomfortable one.

He sat with it. He did the work that was in front of him, because the work was there and required doing and gave his hands and the most routine portion of his mind something to do while the rest of it worked on the problem that did not have an obvious solution.

He thought: I will let it sit until morning. If the morning is the same, I will ask.

He thought: I should have asked tonight.

He turned to the next page of the report and made a note in the margin in his precise, small handwriting, and the lamp burned in the study, and outside the corridor was quiet.

---

She sat alone in the library with the lamp and the old-paper smell and the specific quality of a silence that had changed character — still quiet, still the same room, but without the other presence it was different, the way a room was different when the thing that made it worth being in had left.

She had done this.

She sat with that. She had come here tonight and had rebuilt the distance, deliberately, with full awareness of what she was doing, and she had done it because the alternative — staying open when she didn't understand something — felt too much like the thing she had sworn not to do again.

She thought: I withdrew before he could leave.

She thought: and now he has left, and I don't know if it was because I withdrew or because he was going to leave anyway.

She thought: that is the problem with the preemptive retreat. You never find out.

She closed her book. She turned off the lamp. She walked out of the library and through the corridor toward her rooms, and at the window that looked onto the courtyard she stopped.

The fountain below was dark and still, the way it was always dark and still. She looked at it for a long time without thinking about anything specific.

Behind her, somewhere in the corridor that led to the administrative wing, there was a line of light under a door. His study. It had been on when she came this way earlier and it was still on now, which meant he was working, which meant he had left the library and gone to work, which was simply what he did when there was work to be done and which told her nothing about whether the leaving had been about her.

She thought about the key still in her pocket.

She thought about a climbing rose on a north wall that would need cutting before spring.

She thought about the fact that there were things she did not know — his reasons, his thinking, the question of whether he had known about the Ashworth petition and had considered telling her and had decided not to, or whether it had simply not occurred to him — and that not knowing was not the same as having the answer she was afraid of.

She had assumed the worst before. She had been right before. She had also, she was beginning to understand, sometimes assumed the worst when the truth was simply that the worst had not happened yet and she could not stand the waiting.

She did not know which this was.

She turned away from the window and walked to her room, and she did not look back at the light under his door, and the question stayed with her in the dark, unanswered, which was — she told herself — acceptable. Not every question required an immediate answer. Some of them required time.

She was learning to have time.

She was just not yet sure she was doing it well.

You've reached the end of this chapter

Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The First Wall

Chapter 12: The First Wall

She had started arriving at the library earlier.

Not by much — twenty minutes, perhaps, sometimes thirty — but enough that she had begun to think of it as hers in the morning the way she thought of the garden as hers in the afternoon: a space that preceded the day's requirements, that existed before the obligations assembled themselves and required management. She came in before Thornwall had fully committed to its working hours, made tea from the small kettle someone had at some point placed on a low shelf by the door, and read.

She was reading now. The book was a history of Veldorian land administration from the previous century — not a pleasure read, but useful, the kind of background that had begun to feel relevant in ways she had not entirely mapped yet. She had been in the library for nearly an hour and the tea was half-finished and the particular quality of the silence was the good kind, the kind that felt like permission rather than absence.

She was aware, in the peripheral way she was becoming aware of various things about her life at Thornwall, that she was looking forward to the morning corridor. The six-forty-seven intersection that had become, without announcement, part of the structure of her day.

She noted this — the looking forward — and was immediately wary of it.

She had been here before. Not this exact situation, but the architecture of it: the slow accumulation of small things that felt safe and then, at some point, weren't. The way you could arrive somewhere without noticing you'd traveled. She had arrived at trust before, by increments, and had not seen the arrival until the floor dropped away.

She returned to the chapter on land tenure disputes in the western province and told herself she was being appropriately cautious.

---

Sera found her at half past eight with the morning's schedule and a piece of information she delivered in the careful neutral tone she reserved for things she thought might require Elara's attention.

"Lord Fenwick of Ashworth-Crale has a petition scheduled for this morning," she said. "Regarding the disputed eastern parcels."

Elara knew the disputed eastern parcels. They had been disputed since before her grandfather died — a long, slow argument about drainage rights and boundary markers that had occupied various members of the extended Ashworth family for most of her lifetime. She had not thought about them since coming to Thornwall, which was a failure of attention she was only now registering.

"When?" she said.

"Ten o'clock." Sera paused. "It's not on your calendar."

"No," Elara said. "It wouldn't be."

She thought about this. Lord Fenwick was a second cousin by marriage, a man she knew by name and occasional presence at family events but not well, not personally. He was not unkind. He was persistent in the way of people who had a legitimate grievance and limited means of addressing it. The eastern parcels had been in dispute for eleven years and she did not know precisely what resolution he was seeking or what standing he had to seek it.

She also did not know that Alaric was aware the petition was coming. She did not know whether anyone had told him it was connected to the Ashworth family. She did not know whether he knew she might have relevant context.

She thought: I could find out.

She thought: or I could wait, and see what happens, and trust that — and then she stopped herself at the word trust, which had arrived in the sentence before she had invited it.

She went to the petitioner's waiting area at quarter to ten.

---

The waiting area was a room off the main administrative corridor — high-ceilinged, sparsely furnished, designed to be neutral rather than welcoming or unwelcoming. Lord Fenwick was already there when she arrived, sitting in one of the chairs with the expression of a man who had been preparing his case for longer than he wanted to have been preparing it and was now in the final stage of waiting that was worse than all the preparation.

He stood when he saw her. He was perhaps fifty, a little grey, with the look of someone who managed land and was used to weather and was not used to palaces.

"Your Majesty," he said, and the title sat awkwardly on the air, both of them registering its strangeness — she was still Elara Ashworth to this man, or had been, and whatever she was now had not fully resolved itself in either of their understandings.

"Lord Fenwick," she said. "I heard about the petition. I wanted to — " She paused. She had not entirely worked out what she wanted to do. "I wanted you to know I was aware of it."

He nodded slowly. "The eastern parcels," he said. "Eleven years is a long time."

"It is," she agreed. "I don't know the current state of the case well enough to know what outcome you're hoping for."

He told her. She listened carefully, the way she listened to things she needed to retain accurately rather than things she was simply receiving. The dispute was technical, involving water rights and a survey from 1987 that one party read one way and the other party read another. What Fenwick wanted was a formal adjudication — not necessarily in his favor, but a decision, one way or another, rather than the ongoing ambiguity that had prevented either party from developing the land or resolving the financial questions that depended on it.

It was reasonable. She could see, even from the little she knew, that it was reasonable.

At five past ten, he was called into the petitioning room.

She stayed in the waiting area. There was no reason for her to be there, exactly, but she had sat down and had not found a reason to leave, and the room was empty now except for her, and it was quiet.

The walls of Thornwall were thick, but not uniformly so. She had learned this in her weeks of mapping — that some parts of the palace carried sound in ways the official architecture did not account for. The waiting area was adjacent to one of those parts.

She did not intend to listen. She simply did not leave.

---

Alaric's voice was the one she could hear most clearly. Not words at first — just the register, the particular cadence she had learned to identify, the one that meant he was in an official capacity rather than any of the other modes she had catalogued. Efficient. Precise. The voice that made decisions.

Then, in a pause in what she assumed was Fenwick's presentation, she heard:

"The survey is not in dispute. The question is which party held prior use rights, and the documentation from 1987 is definitive on that point. The ruling will be consistent with that documentation."

A pause.

"The eastern parcels will be adjudicated in favor of the Crale party. The drainage easement on the northern boundary remains with the Ashworth estate, as documented."

Fenwick said something she couldn't hear. Alaric's response was brief, and then the conversation moved to procedural matters, and she stopped being able to follow the specifics.

She sat with what she had heard.

The ruling was not unreasonable. She could see why the 1987 documentation would be controlling. It was the kind of decision that was correct in terms of law and precedent and perhaps not ideal in terms of outcome for a family she was connected to, but that was how legal decisions worked — they followed the evidence, not the preferences.

That was not what she was sitting with.

What she was sitting with was the fact that she had not known this petition was scheduled. That no one had told her. That there had been no moment — not last night in the library, not in the morning corridor, not in any of the small exchanges that had become part of her days — where he had said: there is a matter coming up that involves your family, do you want to know about it, do you have context that would be useful.

Nothing.

She thought about the way Cassian had managed information. He had not shared things with her — not because he was protecting her, but because sharing would have required acknowledging her as a participant rather than a subject. She had been relevant to his plans, not a party to them. The distinction had taken her a long time to understand and longer to name.

She sat in the empty waiting area and thought: is this the same?

She thought: the garden, the key, the corridor mornings. I believed you. The consistent pattern of small attentions.

She thought: and yet he did not tell me.

Lord Fenwick came out of the petitioning room with the expression of a man who had received a decision he had prepared for but had not wanted. He thanked her, briefly, for being there, and she said the things that were appropriate to say, and he left.

She sat for a moment longer.

Then she went back to her room.

---

She was efficient the rest of the day, which was what she was when she was managing something she did not want to examine directly. She met with Ashby, whose company she found genuinely useful in a way she had not expected — the older woman had no patience for maneuvering and a great deal of patience for the actual work, which was a combination Elara found restful. She attended two other scheduled obligations. She ate dinner in the smaller dining room with the household, made appropriate conversation, navigated the room without incident.

She did not think about the eastern parcels.

She was in the library at seven-thirty, in her chair, with a different book. She had not decided to be there; she had simply gone, the way she had been going, and had not yet worked out whether she should be there or whether going was a continuation of the pattern she was uncertain about.

She heard him at eight. The door, the footsteps, the slight adjustment of the library's atmosphere that meant he had entered it.

She did not look up.

"Evening," he said.

"Evening," she said.

He went to his desk. She heard him settle — the chair, the papers, the particular quality of his presence that she had come to know in this room. She kept her eyes on her page.

She was reading. She was reading with the part of her mind that processed text while the other part of her mind did something else, which meant she was reading without retaining anything, which meant she was performing reading, which was not what she came here to do.

She turned a page at the appropriate interval.

He asked her, at some point — she thought it was around nine — whether she had eaten, which was the kind of practical question he occasionally asked in the evenings, the ones that felt like nothing and were not nothing. She said yes. He returned to his work.

She was aware, across the room, of the slight quality of attention he was directing toward her — not the full attention, not the direct kind, but the peripheral kind, the way she sometimes directed attention toward things she was not ready to examine. He had noticed something. He was not asking about it.

She thought: this is his pattern. When he doesn't understand something, he goes quiet.

She thought: and my pattern is to read the quiet as absence.

She thought: I know this about both of us. I identified this weeks ago.

And yet here she was, in the chair that was further from his desk than usual, with her shoulders at the angle that meant protected rather than open, doing the thing she had told herself she would stop doing.

He stood at half past nine — earlier than usual, perhaps forty minutes before she would normally have expected him to leave. He gathered his papers with the economy of movement that was simply how he moved, always, not an indication of anything except that he had finished what he was doing.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," she said.

The door closed.

---

He went to his study.

Not because there was work that required his immediate attention — there was always work, there was never a shortage of work, but the particular items in the study were not urgent in any way that justified leaving the library forty minutes before he usually left. He had left because the library had felt wrong tonight, and staying in it had felt like standing in a room where the temperature had changed without explanation and pretending he hadn't noticed.

He noticed.

He was good at noticing, had always been good at noticing, and what he had noticed in the library tonight was that she was further away than she had been last night. Not physically, necessarily — the chair she sat in was approximately the same chair. But the quality of her presence was different. The slight ease that had been developing over the past weeks, the way she had begun to settle rather than maintain, was not there tonight. She had been precise. Correct. Present in the room and not in it.

He sat at his desk and looked at the papers without reading them.

He did not know what had changed. He had reviewed the day, as he sometimes did, looking for the variable — something he had said, something he had done or had not done, some particular action or absence that would explain the withdrawal. He found nothing definitive. The morning had been ordinary. He had attended the land petition schedule, which had run to twelve items of varying weight. He had not seen her at any point during the day except at dinner, where she had been exactly as she usually was at dinner: composed, attentive, navigating the room.

He had not done anything.

He thought: that might be the problem.

He was not good at this. He could acknowledge this plainly, without drama — he had a great many competencies and the navigation of unexplained shifts in another person's emotional state was not among them. His default, when he did not understand something, was to give it space. To not press. To allow the thing to resolve itself, on the principle that most things resolved themselves if not interfered with.

He thought: she might not be reading that as space.

He thought: she might be reading that as indifference.

He did not know how to fix this without asking about it, and asking about it felt like pressing, which was the thing he was trying not to do. He had managed himself into a position where the correct action was unclear, which was an unusual situation for him and an uncomfortable one.

He sat with it. He did the work that was in front of him, because the work was there and required doing and gave his hands and the most routine portion of his mind something to do while the rest of it worked on the problem that did not have an obvious solution.

He thought: I will let it sit until morning. If the morning is the same, I will ask.

He thought: I should have asked tonight.

He turned to the next page of the report and made a note in the margin in his precise, small handwriting, and the lamp burned in the study, and outside the corridor was quiet.

---

She sat alone in the library with the lamp and the old-paper smell and the specific quality of a silence that had changed character — still quiet, still the same room, but without the other presence it was different, the way a room was different when the thing that made it worth being in had left.

She had done this.

She sat with that. She had come here tonight and had rebuilt the distance, deliberately, with full awareness of what she was doing, and she had done it because the alternative — staying open when she didn't understand something — felt too much like the thing she had sworn not to do again.

She thought: I withdrew before he could leave.

She thought: and now he has left, and I don't know if it was because I withdrew or because he was going to leave anyway.

She thought: that is the problem with the preemptive retreat. You never find out.

She closed her book. She turned off the lamp. She walked out of the library and through the corridor toward her rooms, and at the window that looked onto the courtyard she stopped.

The fountain below was dark and still, the way it was always dark and still. She looked at it for a long time without thinking about anything specific.

Behind her, somewhere in the corridor that led to the administrative wing, there was a line of light under a door. His study. It had been on when she came this way earlier and it was still on now, which meant he was working, which meant he had left the library and gone to work, which was simply what he did when there was work to be done and which told her nothing about whether the leaving had been about her.

She thought about the key still in her pocket.

She thought about a climbing rose on a north wall that would need cutting before spring.

She thought about the fact that there were things she did not know — his reasons, his thinking, the question of whether he had known about the Ashworth petition and had considered telling her and had decided not to, or whether it had simply not occurred to him — and that not knowing was not the same as having the answer she was afraid of.

She had assumed the worst before. She had been right before. She had also, she was beginning to understand, sometimes assumed the worst when the truth was simply that the worst had not happened yet and she could not stand the waiting.

She did not know which this was.

She turned away from the window and walked to her room, and she did not look back at the light under his door, and the question stayed with her in the dark, unanswered, which was — she told herself — acceptable. Not every question required an immediate answer. Some of them required time.

She was learning to have time.

She was just not yet sure she was doing it well.

You've reached the end of this chapter