Chapter 16: The First Jealousy
The email arrived at four-fifteen on a Friday afternoon, which was, Nisha had learned, the hour at which the workweek made its final demands before releasing you.
Cocktail reception. Rooftop venue. Seven to nine. Attendance strongly encouraged for all senior project stakeholders. The Celestia project introduction to the city's business community — the kind of event that existed at the intersection of professional obligation and social performance, the kind she had learned to navigate with the specific competence of someone who had been doing it long enough to know the moves without enjoying them.
She read it twice. Checked her calendar. Texted her mother.
Her mother's reply came in forty seconds: *Of course. Aanya and I will be fine. Wear the green one.*
Nisha looked at the text for a moment, thinking about the green one, which her mother had been recommending for approximately eight months and which Nisha had been not-wearing for the same duration for reasons she had not examined.
She texted back: *I'll see.*
She wore the green one.
---
Priya met her in the lobby of the venue at six fifty-five with the expression of someone who had decided to be supportive and was committed to this decision.
"You look good," Priya said.
"Don't," Nisha said.
"I'm just saying —"
"I know what you're saying. Don't."
Priya fell into step beside her with the ease of a decade of friendship and said nothing further, which was the correct choice.
The rooftop was everything such venues were — the city spread out below in its evening character, warm-lit and vast, the kind of backdrop that made everything happening in front of it feel more significant than it might otherwise. Soft lighting, the sound of a string quartet doing something unobtrusive in the corner, the particular density of a room full of people who were all, to varying degrees, performing a version of themselves.
Nisha collected a glass of sparkling water from the nearest tray, oriented herself to the room, and began the familiar work of a professional social occasion: identify the people worth speaking to, find the natural openings, say the things that needed to be said with the warmth that needed to accompany them.
She was good at this. She had been good at it for years.
She was three minutes into a conversation with a property developer who had questions about sustainable material sourcing when she saw him.
He was across the room — the far side, near the balustrade that overlooked the city, in a group of five or six that had the configuration of people who knew each other well and had long since stopped needing to perform for each other. He was in a dark suit, which she had seen before, and he was listening to something one of the other men was saying, and none of that was the thing she was noticing.
Beside him, in a dress the colour of champagne that had been chosen with the specific intelligence of someone who understood that some colours did not compete with a room but simply became part of its best quality: Sia Kapoor. Her posture was the composed, easy posture of a woman entirely at home in this kind of space. She was laughing at something — a real laugh, not a performed one, her head tilting slightly to the left.
Nisha returned her full attention to the property developer.
She answered his question about sustainable sourcing thoroughly and accurately and with the appropriate level of professional enthusiasm. She did not look across the room again.
She knew, without looking, exactly where he was standing.
---
Twenty minutes passed in the ordinary way of such events — conversations begun and completed, cards exchanged, the slow circulation that eventually covered the room. Priya found her twice, each time with the expression of someone conducting a welfare check while maintaining plausible deniability.
"I'm fine," Nisha said, the second time.
"I didn't ask," Priya said.
"You were about to."
Priya looked at her for a moment with the particular look that meant she was choosing between several true things and selecting the one most useful for the moment. "The contractor from the northern property is over there," she said. "The one you wanted to speak to about the stone delivery timeline."
"Thank you," Nisha said. And meant it.
She was mid-conversation with the contractor — a genuine conversation, one she had needed to have, about a delivery sequence that had been bothering her for a week — when she felt the shift in the room's configuration that meant someone new had entered her immediate vicinity.
"Ms. Sharma." Arjun's voice, at a register appropriate for a social occasion — slightly warmer than his boardroom voice, the version he used when the context required it. "I'd like to introduce you to a few people who've been asking about the design direction."
Two men she hadn't met: one from a real estate investment firm, one from an architecture practice that had worked with the Malhotra Group on previous projects. They had questions about the Celestia concept — good questions, genuinely curious, the questions of people who knew enough about the field to ask the right things.
Nisha answered them. She was composed, she was clear, she was the lead designer of a significant project explaining her work to interested people, and it was fine, it was entirely fine.
Arjun stood slightly to her left throughout, not directing the conversation but present in it — adding context when she referenced the project's business rationale, clarifying a timeline question. The easy professional collaboration of two people who had been working together for two months and knew how the other moved in a room.
The investors eventually turned to speak to someone else, satisfied.
The space around them contracted to just the two of them — the particular geography that had become familiar in conference rooms and construction corridors and Wednesday afternoons, except that this was a rooftop at evening with the city below and string quartet music in the background and no professional architecture to organise the distance.
"The Milan sample," he said. "You ordered more?"
"Three additional pieces for testing. I want to see how it behaves in the atrium lighting conditions before we commit."
"Good call."
A beat.
"The note was —" she started, and then stopped, because she had not planned to say that and did not know where it was going.
"Useful?" he offered.
"Yes," she said. "Useful."
It was not the word she had been reaching for. It was, however, a word she could stand behind.
And then she saw it — not a dramatic thing, not a scene. Just Sia, across the room, looking in their direction with the quiet attention of someone who had been watching for a little while and was not surprised by what she saw. The look was not hostile. It was something more considered than that: the look of a woman who was intelligent and paying attention and had drawn her own conclusions.
Nisha felt it land.
She felt Arjun register that she had felt it land — the small recalibration in his attention, the awareness moving through him.
Three points of a triangle, for the duration of one breath.
"I need to speak with the contractor from the third floor," Nisha said. Her voice was even. She indicated the man near the window — real, actually there, actually someone she could speak to. "Enjoy your evening."
She walked toward the window.
Behind her, she did not hear him move immediately. Which meant he stood there for a moment, watching her go. She did not turn to confirm this. She carried it as an inference, which was the only way she was permitted to carry it.
---
The contractor conversation lasted twelve minutes and covered a genuine scheduling question that had needed resolving, which Nisha considered a small mercy — it meant that when Priya found her afterward, standing at the window with a glass of water and the city below, there was something real to have been doing.
Priya stood beside her without speaking for a moment. Outside, the city continued its Friday evening below them — lit and moving and entirely unconcerned.
"I don't have any right to feel what I just felt," Nisha said.
Priya was quiet.
"He's not mine," Nisha said. "He was never — it was two and a half years ago. And even then it ended the way it ended. And I have no claim on anything in that room, not one thing, and I know that."
"But you felt it," Priya said. Not a question. The simple completion of a sentence that needed completing.
Nisha looked at the city.
"Yes," she said. "I felt it."
Priya didn't say anything else. She stood at the window and was present, which was what was needed, and the city went on below them being itself.
---
At eight forty-five, Nisha decided she had been present long enough for the attendance to count as meaningful and gathered her things from the coat check near the entrance.
The coat check was tucked into an alcove off the main reception area — slightly separate from the noise of the room, which was, she thought, the first quiet she had found all evening. She put on her jacket. She checked her phone — a text from Deepa saying Aanya had gone down easily and her mother had arrived and everything was fine.
She was reading the text when she became aware of someone beside her.
Arjun. Also collecting his jacket, apparently — or perhaps the timing was something else, she was past being certain about the geometry of his appearances near her.
He was looking at the middle distance rather than at her. The posture of a man who had something to say and was deciding whether to say it, which she recognised, and which she waited out.
"You're leaving early," he said. Quiet, without judgment.
Nisha looked at her phone. At Deepa's text. At the small, clear message that her daughter had gone down easily and was fine and waiting for morning.
"My daughter is waiting," she said.
The words arrived fully formed, without the editing that every other sentence she had spoken to him for two months had passed through. Not *I have somewhere to be.* Not *it's getting late.* Her daughter. Present tense, actual, the most real thing in her life stated plainly in a coat check alcove at a business reception.
She heard them in the air and felt the quality of the silence that followed — the specific quality of a silence that contained new information, that was reorganising itself around something it had not held before.
She did not look at him.
She put her phone in her bag and walked toward the exit, and the night air came up to meet her as she stepped out, and she took a breath of it that she needed.
In the taxi, she sat with her hands in her lap and the city moving past the windows and the echo of her own voice saying those three words in an alcove to a man who did not know what they meant.
*My daughter is waiting.*
She had said it. She had said it as naturally as she said anything, which meant it had been there all along, waiting for the moment her guard was down enough to let it through.
She looked at her hands.
Something had just changed. She could feel the shape of the change without being able to name it precisely — the way you feel a shift in weather before you can see it in the sky.
The taxi turned the corner toward home.
Ahead: her mother's building, the warm windows, her daughter sleeping inside.
Behind her, in a rooftop venue, a man was standing in a coat check alcove with new information and whatever he was going to do with it.
She would find out on Wednesday.
For now: her daughter was waiting.
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