Chapter 17: Arjun's Jealousy
He had not slept well on Friday night.
This was not, in itself, unusual — Arjun had a complicated relationship with sleep that had developed gradually over the past two years and that he had made a certain functional peace with. What was unusual was the reason. Not the Singapore numbers, which were fine. Not the Chandigarh timeline, which was on schedule. Not the family dinner that was coming at the weekend, which was its own category of complication that he had long since learned to carry without it disrupting his rest.
Two words.
*My daughter.*
He had heard them in the coat check alcove at eight forty-five on Friday evening and had said nothing and done nothing and let her walk out into the night with them still in the air between them, because there was nothing to say and nothing to do and the words had rearranged something in the architecture of what he understood about her life in a way that required time to process.
She had a daughter.
She was raising a child alone — that was the clear implication of *my daughter is waiting*, the specific weight of it, the way it named both the child and the solitude simultaneously. She had been doing this for some period of time that he did not know. She had been doing it while running a studio, while building the work he had watched her do for two months, while sitting across from him in Wednesday reviews and construction corridors and late-evening offices.
He had worked alongside her for two months and had not known.
He lay in the dark on Friday night and thought about what else he did not know, and the list was longer and more specific than he was comfortable with, and the discomfort had a shape that he was not prepared to examine directly at midnight, so he looked at the ceiling instead and waited for the morning.
---
Monday arrived with the reliable indifference of Mondays.
Arjun was at his desk by six-thirty — reports, calls, the accumulated forward motion of a company that did not pause because one of its executives had spent a weekend in a particular quality of restlessness. He moved through the morning with his standard efficiency. By ten o'clock he had resolved three items that had been pending since Friday and cleared the week's most time-sensitive correspondence.
He had a brief matter to discuss with the project director — a contractor payment schedule that needed sign-off before end of day. The project director's desk was on the twenty-eighth floor, in the section of the open-plan space adjacent to the private offices.
Arjun took the stairs rather than the elevator, as he often did when he had the time, and walked through the twenty-eighth floor in the direction of the project director's area.
Nisha's office was on the way.
He did not slow as he passed it. He registered, in the peripheral awareness that had become automatic over two months, that she was at her desk — and then registered, a half-step later, that she was not alone.
A man in the chair opposite her. Relaxed in it — the posture of someone who had sat in that chair before and expected to sit in it again. Dark jacket, no tie, the ease of someone who operated in creative rather than corporate environments. He was laughing at something, leaning forward slightly with the body language of engaged conversation. Nisha was laughing too — her real laugh, the one that was different from her professional warmth, the one he had heard exactly three times in two months.
Arjun continued to the project director's desk.
He dealt with the payment schedule. He answered two additional questions that arose from it. He was present and attentive and handled everything correctly.
He checked his watch when he arrived: ten forty-three.
He checked it when he left: ten fifty-five.
Twelve minutes.
On the way back, he walked the same route. The man was still there. Nisha was showing him something on the laptop screen, turned so they could both see it, their heads at a similar angle to the same point of focus.
Arjun did not stop.
He noticed that he had looked.
He noticed that he had noticed.
Neither of these things made him feel better.
---
The second floor café was not a place Arjun went regularly — he had coffee brought to his office, which was more efficient. But at twelve-thirty he found himself needing to speak with the head of the finance team, whose desk was near the café, and the most direct route from his office passed through it.
He saw them immediately.
A corner table — laptop open, documents spread between them, the configuration of two people working rather than simply meeting. Rohan Mehta, he had confirmed from the studio's company registration documents that morning, which he had reviewed for entirely professional reasons relating to contract compliance. Partner and co-founder of Nisha Sharma Design Studio, established three years ago. The name appeared on the contract he had signed.
He had known the studio had two principals. He had not, until this morning, looked up what the second one looked like.
They were talking. Rohan said something that made Nisha shake her head in the way she did when something was both wrong and funny simultaneously — the slight tilt, the reluctant smile. She said something back. Her hand moved on the table, the gesture she made when she was making a point, landing near his without touching.
Arjun collected his coffee from the counter.
He left.
He walked back to his office at a pace that was, by any objective measure, slightly faster than his normal pace, and he sat down at his desk and looked at the finance report he needed to review and read the first paragraph three times without retaining it.
---
The Wednesday review was at two.
Nisha arrived at one fifty-eight. She set up her materials with her usual efficient preparation — the phase three document, the material selection board, the revised timeline. She had good materials. The phase three work was strong; he had reviewed her preliminary submissions and the direction was exactly right.
Arjun opened his folder.
She began the presentation.
For the first twenty minutes he was entirely present — the work required it and he was a person who gave work what it required. The phase three material selection had implications for the construction sequencing that needed to be understood before the next contractor meeting, and Nisha had thought through those implications carefully. He asked three questions, all of which she answered with the completeness he had come to expect.
And then, somewhere in the thirty-fifth minute, his attention split.
Not dramatically. Not in a way she would necessarily notice — except that she noticed things he had not expected her to notice, and had been noticing them for two months, and he was aware that his attention was not where it should be and was aware that she might be aware of this, which was its own recursive problem.
She was talking about resource allocation for the northern property. It was important information. He was processing approximately seventy percent of it.
He interrupted at the wrong moment.
"The resource allocation for the northern property — has the studio modelled the staffing load against your current project roster?"
It was a legitimate question. The timing was wrong — she had been in the middle of addressing exactly that point, and he had interrupted the answer to ask for the answer. He heard it as he said it.
She paused. Looked at him with the focused attention she turned on things that didn't quite add up.
"That's in the section I was about to cover," she said. Even, professional, not unkind. The tone of someone choosing not to make something of something.
"Of course," he said. "Continue."
She continued. He was fully present for the remainder of the session.
But she had looked at him in that moment with the look that meant she had filed something away, and the thing she had filed was that he had not been entirely present, and she did not know why, and he was not going to tell her.
---
She was closing her laptop when he said it.
He had not planned it. He was aware of this as it was happening — the words arriving without the usual process of consideration, bypassing the editorial function that managed most of what he said in most situations. Later he would identify this as the point at which two months of accumulated restraint produced its first significant failure.
"Rohan Mehta visits your office frequently," he said.
The room went very still.
Nisha's hands paused on the laptop. Then, slowly, she closed it the rest of the way and looked at him.
The look was precise. Not angry — assessing. The specific quality of attention she brought to things that required a clear-eyed response.
"He's my business partner," she said. Her voice was entirely level. "Is that a problem?"
Arjun heard the question.
He heard, simultaneously, what the question was actually asking — which was not whether Rohan Mehta's professional relationship with her was a problem, but whether Arjun believed he had any standing to have a view on it, and whether he was prepared to claim that standing, and what exactly he thought he was doing.
These were all fair questions.
He had no good answers to any of them.
"No," he said.
She held his gaze for one additional beat — the beat of someone confirming that the answer was final and that the subject was now closed. Then she picked up her portfolio case.
"Good," she said.
She left.
Arjun sat in the empty conference room for a moment.
The afternoon light came through the window at its usual angle. The city was doing what it did at four in the afternoon. Everything was exactly as it had been thirty seconds ago, and also nothing was, quite, because he had said a thing out loud that should not have been said and could not be unsaid and had revealed, in four words and a pause, considerably more than he had intended.
---
He sat at his desk that evening until the building was quiet.
This was not unusual. What was unusual was the white legal pad in front of him, which was blank, which it was not normally blank — he used legal pads for the thinking he did with a pen rather than a keyboard, the working-out of things that were better approached through writing than typing. The pad was blank because he had sat down to write something and had not been able to identify what it was.
He looked at the blank page.
He thought about ten forty-three and ten fifty-five. He thought about a corner table in the café and a hand moving near another hand. He thought about *is that a problem* and the long beat before he had answered.
He had been telling himself, for two months, several things that he was now in the process of revising.
He had told himself that his interest in her work was professional. This was true and also insufficient.
He had told himself that the Wednesday reviews were a reasonable project management decision. This was true and also not the complete account of why he had proposed them.
He had told himself that the coffee in the morning was a logistical courtesy. He was no longer able to maintain this position with any integrity.
He looked at the blank legal pad.
He wrote nothing.
But in the space where the writing would have been, he acknowledged — without drama, without the performance of a reckoning, simply as a fact that had become undeniable — that what he had felt today, standing in a corridor looking into an office where she was laughing with someone else, was not professional concern.
It had never been professional concern.
He had simply, for two months, been very disciplined about not completing the thought.
---
His phone lit up at nine forty-seven.
His mother: *Family dinner Saturday. Sia and her parents will join us. Please don't be late this time, Arjun. It matters.*
He read the message.
He looked at the blank legal pad.
He looked at the message again.
Then he put on his jacket and left the building, and instead of turning right toward the car park he turned left, toward the long route along the waterfront that he had walked exactly twice before — both times in the first year, when the company had been in difficulty and he had needed to think in movement rather than stillness.
The city moved around him. The waterfront was lit and quiet, the particular quality of a weekday evening in a city that had not yet gone to sleep but had stopped being urgent.
He walked.
In his head, patient and persistent: *my daughter is waiting.*
Two words that had been sitting in a coat check alcove for five days, waiting for him to find the right question to attach them to.
He had found it, somewhere between the blank legal pad and the waterfront: not *who* — that was not the question he was afraid of.
The question he was afraid of was simpler and more specific and had been assembling itself from small pieces — a timeline, a calculation, the particular mathematics of two and a half years ago — since Friday night.
*How old is she?*
He walked for a long time.
The city did not answer him.
But the question, once formed, did not unform.
It walked with him all the way home.
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